Author's Message:

For 2018, I am counting down the 365 worst hadiths, ranked from least worst to absolute worst.

Table of Contents:

 

HOTD 300: Muhammad says in Heaven you will eat enormous birds that look like fluffy camels

In this awe-inspiring hadith, Muhammad explains one of Heaven’s meat-eating options: the bird of Paradise (not to be confused with Earth's bird-of-paradise).

This particular bird will be like a Bukht camel, a bigger and more attractive camel than the Arabian camel, and it has a big, luxurious fluffy neck. This big bird will fly around, eating from the trees of Heaven, which are themselves enormous.

In fact, Heaven’s Tuba tree is so big that it would take a rider over 100 years to travel its distance (Bukhari 3251). And just one of its grapes can feed an entire tribe (Ahmad 17642). People are much bigger in Heaven too, about 90 feet tall (Ibn Majah 4333).

While I find it preposterous that we would eat physical animals in the spiritual world, I also want to know:

How does one kill a bird in Heaven?

• HOTD #300: Musnad Ahmad 13311. Classed sahih by al-Arna’ut and hasan by al-Albani.

HOTD 299: The perks of being Muhammad’s child-bride: Part 2

In this glorious hadith, we learn more of Aisha, the youngest of the Mothers of the Believers.

Oh to be Aisha: a child-bride fondled while she is menstruating—by a man old enough to be her grandpa.

And after nine years of being penetrated and fondled by Muhammad, her reward is that she is left both childless and forbidden to remarry (just like Muhammad’s eight other widows).

The Arabic word bashara, translated here as “fondle,” can mean any sexual activity, including thighing. Bashara can also mean sex, but in the context of this hadith it means activity short of sex. The meaning might be better expressed as, “and then he would go at it.”

"The perks of being Muhammad’s child-bride: Part 1" was HOTD 327, in which Aisha would scrape off Muhammad’s semen stains from his clothes before he would pray in them.

In Aisha’s life, the two hadiths are directly related.

• HOTD #299: Jami al-Tirmidhi 132. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 298: Muhammad says the End of the World will come when a black man destroys the Kaba

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad discusses one of the signs of the Hour (the End of the World): a black man with skinny calves will destroy Islam’s most sacred building: the Kaba, the big black cube in Mecca’s Sacred Mosque.

This is part of a tedious story in which an army will attack the Kaba, but Allah will swallow up the entire army into the earth (Bukhari 2118). But then Muslims, being neglectful of the sanctity of the Kaba, will allow Mecca to be overrun by Ethiopians (Ahmad 7910). This will allow the skinny-calved Ethiopian to destroy the Kaba.

But why would he take the stones out “one after another?” (with a spade and pick-axe according to one hadith: Ahmad 7053).

This is incredibly inefficient. The Kaba is four stories high and its walls are a meter thick. It would take him months to get the job done.

Wouldn’t a real prophet have prophesied explosives?

• HOTD #298: Sahih al-Bukhari 1595, 1596

HOTD 297: "Defensive" jihad: Part 1—The Battle of Khaibar

Muslim apologists typically argue that Muhammad’s battles, which almost always occur in other people's land, are defensive. The Battle of Khaibar is one of the most famous examples.

The Hadith canon describes the Battle of Khaibar in entirely offensive terms. The Jews of Khaibar obviously did not attack the Muslims. This hadith makes obvious that they were taken by surprise by the Muslims’ attack in pre-dawn darkness.

The apologetics are simple. Per the Seera (biographies of Muhammad), Muslims allege that the Khaibar Jews were plotting to attack Medina, and this was a necessary preemptive attack by the Muslims. Remarkably, even this biased viewpoint is unsupported by any authentic hadiths of which I’m aware. And, of course, we never hear the other side of the story.

But why waste time on the Hadith or Seera when Muhammad—I mean Allah—explains the Battle of Khaibar in the Quran (48:18-20):

Allah was pleased with the believers when they pledged allegiance to you under the tree (Al-Hudaibiyya). He…rewarded them with an expeditious victory (Khaibar),

And with much booty (Khaibar) they were to take. Allah is Almighty, All-Wise,

Allah promised you [Muslims] much booty that you would take, so He expedited this (Khaibar) for you…

Allah specifically states that He “promised�? Muslims “much booty�? after Al-Hudaibiyya (three months prior), and so He "expedited�? the promised war booty with the Battle of Khaibar.

For an all-merciful creator of two trillion galaxies, "Allah" sure seems obsessed with war booty.

• HOTD #297: Sahih al-Bukhari 947

HOTD 296: Muhammad says you can literally see the bones of the virgins of Paradise through their flesh

 

In this inspirational hadith, Muslim men learn an important lesson about the virgin houris they receive in Paradise: you can literally see their bones.

This houri feature is well documented in the Hadith canon. However, Muslims often state that the words “to see the marrow of the shin from beneath the flesh” is simply a metaphor to describe the extraordinary beauty and whiteness of houri skin—that their skin approaches translucence.

But this hadith shows that the meaning is literal. Muhammad specifically states that “the marrow of her shin can be seen beneath her flesh just as a red drink can be seen in a white (clear) glass.” This comparison indicates the bone can literally be seen, just as red wine can literally be seen through glass.

In HOTD 306, Muslim men learn they will literally see through the 70 layers of clothes that houris wear.

In today’s hadith, Muslim men learn that they can keep on looking past their houris’ clothes, literally all the way to the bone.

• HOTD #296: Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Kabir 10321. Classed sahih by al-Albani. See also Sahih al-Bukhari 3254.

HOTD 295: Muhammad says he was going to tie up a demon and show it off to everyone—proving his prophethood—but then conveniently doesn’t do it

This glorious hadith is the first in a three-day series of a special category of Hadith: the Muhammad-says-he can-do-something-proving-his-prophethood-but-then-doesn’t-do-it category.

In this hadith, Muhammad was going to tie a demon (an afreet, an especially strong and evil jinn) to the mosque pillar and show off his captured demon to everyone. Now had Muhammad actually done this, it would have been undeniable proof of his prophethood.

Every single person in the city would have shared to everyone their eyewitness account of a demon tied to the mosque pillar, and it would be the most recurring tradition in the entire Hadith canon.

But alas, Muhammad doesn’t tie the demon up. Instead, he remembers a verse from the Quran, which recounts a prior instance of where a prophet got the upper hand over a jinn, sending Muhammad’s demon away humiliated.

The verse itself (38:35) is part of a story where Solomon went to the toilet and left his magic ring with his wife. An evil jinn, disguised as Solomon, then stole it from the wife and took over the throne. Without the magic ring, Solomon lost his power. Solomon eventually got the ring back from the jinn, took back the throne, and said to Allah, “And bestow upon me a kingdom…”

But there is another possibility: Muhammad didn’t tie up the demon because he is a charlatan who made it up all up.

• HOTD #295: Sahih al-Bukhari 3423

HOTD 294: Muhammad was going to grab grapes from Heaven to bring back to Earth—proving his prophethood—but then conveniently doesn’t do it (and what acting!)

This glorious hadith is second in a three-day series of a special category of Hadith: the Muhammad-says-he can-do-something-proving-his-prophethood-but-then-doesn’t-do-it category.

In this hadith, Muhammad nearly brings the world iron-clad proof of Islam’s truth: Heavenly grapes (or maybe that means houris 😉) that last an eternity.

Had Muhammad brought back these eternal grapes, there would be proof right now, in the 21st century, of Islam’s truth. There would be no need for 1400 years of violent jihad.

But of course Muhammad decides to not bring back the grapes. Muhammad explains:

I stretched out my hand and I wanted to pick some of its fruits so that you could see them, then I thought that I should not do that. (Muslim 904c)

Great explanation, Muhammad. So you thought endless jihad was the better way of selling Islam.

But now let’s discuss Muhammad’s acting. Please someone invent a time travel machine so we can record Muhammad pretending to reach for grapes in Heaven.

• HOTD #294: Sahih Muslim 907a (2109). The end of the hadith includes extraordinary misogyny from Muhammad. This will be addressed in a future HOTD.

HOTD 293: Muhammad says he can turn a mountain into gold—proving his prophethood—but then conveniently doesn’t do it

This glorious hadith is the final installment in a three-day series of the special category: Muhammad-says-he can-do-something-proving-his-prophethood-but-then-doesn’t-do-it hadiths.

In this hadith, the Quraish pagans ask Muhammad to turn Mount Safa into gold, and if he does, the pagans say, “We will believe in you.”

So the pagans give Muhammad the perfect chance to peacefully demonstrate to them—and the world—that Islam is the truth and Muhammad is a prophet.

Muhammad then consults with “Allah,” and “Allah” tells him he has a choice:

  1. Turn Safa into gold, but if the pagans still disbelieve after that, they'll be in super-big trouble

  2. Give pagans time to repent—by converting to Islam—and thus receive Allah’s mercy (without risking super-big trouble if they continue to disbelieve)

Now this sounds like a no-brainer. Of course turn Safa into gold! Not only would the pagan Meccans absolutely believe, the whole world would believe in Islam when they see a solid gold mountain (more, a rocky hill). And as a bonus, we could avoid 1400 years of violent jihad.

But of course, Muhammad chooses not to turn the mountain into gold. And with this incident, he gets another Why-I-can’t-perform-miracles revelation (17:59):

And nothing stops Us from sending Signs (i.e., miracles) except that the people of old denied them.

And though completely able to perform miracles, “Allah” and Muhammad believe that violent jihad is a better way of spreading Islam than peaceful miracles.

• HOTD #294: Musnad Ahmad 2166. Classed sahih by Ahmad Shakir and al-Arna’ut. See also Ahmad 2333 for tie-in with Quran 17:59.


Fun Quran trivia: In at least ten Quran verses, Allah defends Muhammad’s inability to perform miracles (2:118, 3:183, 6:37, 10:20, 11:12, 13:7, 13:27, 20:133, 26:4, 29:50).

Allah’s most common defense is the skeptics wouldn’t believe it anyway (2:145, 17:59, 26:5, 28:48, 30:58, 37:14-15). He also adds that the Quran itself is a sufficient miracle (29:51).

HOTD 292: Muhammad explains who angels avoid. And it includes him!

Three points:

  1. Khaluq is a fragrant yellow dye made from saffron

  2. Muhammad, a 60 year-old man trying to look young to 20 year-old women, can dye his beard and hair—but women who pluck their hair are cursed (Nasa’i 5102)

  3. Yellowbeard from the 1983 movie reminds me of someone

• HOTD #292: Al-Bazzar, Kashf al-Astar 2930. Classed sahih by al-AlbaniSunan al-Nasa’i 5088. Classed sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 291: “Defensive” jihad, Part 2: the Attack on Banu Mustaliq

Muslim apologists typically argue that Muhammad’s battles, which almost always occur in other people's land, are defensive.

In addition to the Battle of Khaibar (HOTD 297), the attack on the pagan tribe (banu) of al-Mustaliq is an example of Islamic “defensive” jihad in other people’s land.

The Hadith canon describes the Attack on Banu Mustaliq in entirely offensive terms. Banu Mustaliq never attacked the Muslims. It was an obvious surprise attack by the Muslims.

The apologetics are simple. Exactly like the Battle of Khaibar, Muslims allege in the Seera (biographies of Muhammad) that Banu Mustaliq was plotting to attack Medina, and this was a necessary preemptive attack by the Muslims. Remarkably, even this biased viewpoint is unsupported by any authentic hadiths of which I’m aware. And, of course, we never hear the other side of the story.

In fact, the fuqaha (Islamic jurisprudents) use this hadith to address whether, having invited infidels to Islam at some point, do you need to warn and invite them again before attacking them. (Answer: no) That is entirely an issue of offensive jihad.

The authentic hadiths on Banu Mustaliq do teach us four key things:

  1. It was a surprise attack on a heedless tribe (Abu Dawud 2633)

  2. Muhammad gave his okay to his jihadis to rape their sex slaves without performing coitus interruptus (Bukhari 4138)

  3. Muhammad got his gorgeous new wife Juwairiyya (her real name was Barra, Muhammad renamed her) from al-Mustaliq booty. She agreed to marry Muhammad instead of being a jihadi’s sex slave (Abu Dawud 3931)

  4. The Dajjal (Anti-Christ) looks like a man from Banu Mustaliq (Bukhari 7026)

• HOTD #291: Sunan Abu Dawud 2633. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 290: Muhammad gives laughable excuse for not participating in his own battles—then overcompensates defending laughable excuse

Under Muhammad’s leadership, there were 80-90 army excursions/battles. Of these 80-90, Muhammad showed up to less than thirty and fought in less than ten (Zad al-Maad 1/125).

As this might make jihadis question Muhammad’s love for martyrdom, Muhammad has an answer for them, a laughable excuse:

Muhammad doesn’t have enough horses and camels to bring every jihadi to the battle. And then those jihadis left behind will feel bad with Muhammad gone. And so Muhammad needs to stay behind with them so they don't feel bad.

Just absorb that for a moment.

But it gets better. Muhammad, perhaps realizing how unconvincing that sounds, overcompensates by saying how desperately he wants to get martyred. O if only he could be martyred over and over and over again.

To paraphrase Muhammad:

By Allah, I would love to die while murdering non-Muslims, and then come back to life so I can die while murdering more non-Muslims, and then come back to life so I can die murdering even more non-Muslims, and then come back again so I can die murdering even more non-Muslims. But only if no jihadis feel left out—which there always will be.

• HOTD #295: Sahih al-Bukhari 2797

HOTD 289: Muhammad says women should not go outside. It is best they stay in “the innermost part of their houses”

In this wise hadith, we learn that women are nakedness, even when covered. And if a woman is not embarrassed by her nakedness and willing to go outside, then Satan gets his hopes up to lead her into sin.

So Muhammad teaches that a woman should not only stay in her house, she should stay in the deepest, innermost part of her house.

But then why did Allah make sun exposure the primary source of crucial Vitamin D?

And Allah Muhammad knows best.

• HOTD #289: Sahih Ibn Hibban 5599. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut. See also discussion in al-Albani's al-Silsilah al-Sahihah 2688.

HOTD 288: Even the victim thinks Muhammad is barbaric for cutting off the thief’s hand

In these glorious hadiths, a conflict plays out, one that occurs millions of times each day: a Muslim’s innate sense of morality conflicts with Muhammad’s barbarity.

Background: In Quran 5:38, “Allah” decides the Arab pagan practice (Tafsir Ibn Kathir) of chopping off hands for thievery is divine perfection, and He reveals the pagan practice as Divine Law to Muhammad.

In these hadiths, Safwan, whose kunya name is Abu Wahb, has his burdah or rida (an upper garment) stolen. He catches the thief and brings him to Muhammad, who orders the thief's hand chopped off.

Safwan is horrified and tells Muhammad, “My rida is not worth cutting off a man’s hand for" and “I will let him have it (the rida).” But Muhammad, a “mercy to the worlds” (Quran 21:107) cuts off the thief’s hand anyway.

Muhammad’s statement “Why didn’t you do that before you brought him to me?” refers to Muhammad’s belief that a crime merits punishment only if Muhammad (or the relevant imam) knows about it (“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?”).

If Muhammad doesn’t know about it, then it is Allah, al-Sitteer (the Concealer), concealing the crime, a great mercy from Him. In Islam, it is sunna to hide one’s crimes (Bukhari 6069) and the crimes of other Muslims (Muslim 2699), unless the Muslim is known to be a habitual evildoer.

It is remarkable that the average Muslim is more moral than the Perfect Man himself.

• HOTD #288: Sunan al-Nasa’i 48834886. Both classed sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 287: Muhammad says in Hell, Allah burns sinful Muslims into coal. The burnt coal is then sent to Heaven and spread on river banks where people water it. The Muslims “sprout like seeds” from this wet coal

In this awe-inspiring hadith, we learn three important Islamic lessons:

  1. Hell is temporary for sinful Muslims. (See also Bukhari 7510.) So while Allah eternally tortures Nelson Mandela in Hell, Allah will send Haseem Amir and Faizan Majeed, pedophile ringleaders of a Punjab child sex abuse gang, into Paradise with at least two virgin houris each

  2. Sinful Muslims are first burnt to a crisp in Hell. Their charcoal remains are then shipped to Paradise and spread along river banks. People in Paradise then pour river water on the charcoal remains, from which the Muslims’ bodies sprout like seeds (growing to 90 feet tall—Ibn Majah 4333)

  3. You can fool some people all of the time

• HOTD #287: Sahih Muslim 185a (459)

HOTD 286: Muhammad finds excuse to dye hair. FYI Muhammad: Jews and Christians also don’t wear nose rings

Three points:

  1.  

Muhammad demonstrates remarkable hypocrisy. He says women “who change the creation of Allah” by plucking their hair are cursed (Nasa’i 5255). And yet, Muhammad, who changes his hair color is somehow not cursed.

2.

Dyeing his grey hair gives Muhammad, a 60 year-old man married to wives in their teens and 20’s, a younger and hipper appearance. He is recorded dyeing his hair yellow khaluq (Nasai 5088HOTD 292), red henna (Bukhari 166) and red-black katam, which in combination with henna is his preferred hair dye (Ibn Majah 3622, 3623).

Muhammad forbade pure black (presumably soot) and gave no recorded reason for this prohibition. Scholars argue that it must be because dyeing hair black involves deception. While possible, it can also be because it involves using a product created by fire, which Muhammad states, even on Earth, originates from Hell. (Muhammad also states that one must perform ablution after eating food touched by fire, but he himself violates this prohibition.)

In any case, by dyeing grey hair, a symbol of old age, Muhammad is giving himself a more youthful and hip appearance by “changing the creation of Allah.”

3.

Allah’s goal, as stated in Quran 9:29, is to have those non-Muslims unwilling to convert be a) murdered, or b) extorted and humilated (jizya). To facilitate this kind of inhumanity, it is important that Muslims not empathize with non-Muslims.

To prevent empathy, Muhammad, most blatantly, forbids Muslims from associating with non-Muslims (Abu Dawud 4832). More subtley, he has Muslims dress and act differently than non-Muslims, with the sole stated reason being to differ from them. Some examples include clothes color (Muslim 2077a), praying in shoes (Abu Dawud 652), fasting Ashura (Abu Dawud 2445), and funeral customs (Abu Dawud 3176)

There is also a famous hadith (Abu Dawud 4031): "Whoever imitates a people, he is one of them." However, its authenticity is contested, with it classed hasan sahih by al-Albani and daif by al-Arna'ut.

While this hair dyeing hadith is typical embarrassingly self-serving Muhammad behavior, its sinister effect of making Muslims as dissimilar as possible from non-Muslims is what most bothers me.

• HOTD #286: Sahih al-Bukhari 5899

HOTD 285: Muhammad says award competitions are allowed only for activities that promote killing non-Muslims (i.e., jihad)

Words from the scholar al-Khattabi:

The correct message in this hadith is that the “award” is established by Allah. He intends that reward and recognition not be given except in the racing of horses, camels and the like, and in the “arrow,” which is archery. That is because these activities are the tools in fighting the enemy. And by extending a reward to someone, it encourages jihad and incitement for it. Al-Khattabi, Ma'alimus Sunan 2/255

The Religion of Peace gives awards solely for competitions that promote violence.

• HOTD #285: Sunan al Nasa’i 3616. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 284: Muhammad says many men have become perfect, but only two women

This glorious hadith has so much in it, where to begin:

  1.  

Muhammad believes in the moral superiority of men

Muhammad says that there are many men, obviously too long a list for Muhammad to convey, who have reached perfection, but only two women have. Despite all the wars and violence men have caused, men are inherently morally superior.

Muhammad’s belief in men's moral superiority is why there are so many hadiths stating that women are the majority in Hell (Bukhari 3241) and minority in Heaven (Muslim 2738).

2.

Muhammad is likely confusing the two Mary’s as one person again

Allah believes that Mary, the mother of Jesus, is the same person as Mary, the daughter of Amram and sister of Moses and Aaron (Quran 19:28). This is despite the 1300 year difference between the two. (This will be addressed in a future HOTD.)

In this hadith, Muhammad is saying that “Mary, the daughter of Imran (Amram),” presumably sister of Moses, attained perfection. But the Mary who Muhammad says attained perfection was also a woman Allah was so furious with that Allah gave her leprosy for opposing Moses marrying an Ethiopian woman (Numbers 12:1).

In contrast, per Muhammad, Mary mother of Jesus is the only woman ever not touched by Satan at birth (Muslim 2366c). It seems that the one woman not touched by Satan would be the woman who attains perfection. It appears that “Allah” and Muhammad believe the two Mary’s are the same.

3.

Asiya?

Muhammad believes that Asiya, a woman whose story is remarkably similar to that of 4th century St. Catherine of Alexandria, is one of only two women to reach perfection in Abrahamic history. But this perfect Abrahamic woman is never mentioned in the Bible nor named in the Quran. There are about 150 women mentioned in the Bible, but the one who reached Abrahamic perfection is not mentioned once?!

4.

Aisha, an extremely jealous person prone to insulting others, is the best woman in the world

I have deep sympathy for Aisha, who was raped by Muhammad at age nine, and then left to be a childless 18-year old widow forbidden to remarry. But Aisha was the most mean-spirited of the wives.

She hurled a nasty insult at Muhammad’s dead wife, Khadija (Bukhari 3821). She smeared the wife Sawda with meat pudding (Abu Ya'la 4476). She purposefully broke a dish of another wife in jealousy (Tirmidhi 1359). She played a trick on Muhammad to hurt Hafsa (Bukhari 6972).

To single out Aisha, his favorite wife, as the best woman in the world is a stretch.

• HOTD #284: Sahih al-Bukhari 3769

HOTD 283: Good Friday: Jesus has a body-double crucified. The disciples murder one another. Allah deceives world for 600 years

Dear Christians,

Let me tell you the true Injil (Gospel).

This hadith is narrated from Muhammad’s Companion Ibn Abbas. It is consensus among the uluma that, as all Companions are adil (upright, just), if a Companion’s statement on religious matters cannot have come through his own reasoning or from Judeo-Christian traditions, then his statement is considered marfu (directly from Muhammad). This is such a case.

The Islamic Good Friday:

  1. Jesus asks his disciples for a volunteer to be crucified in his place. An unnamed disciple volunteers

  2. Allah, who describes himself as “the best of schemers,” (Quran 3:54) turns the unnamed disciple into Jesus’ body double

  3. Due to Allah's deception, the Jews crucify the disciple, thinking he is Jesus. Allah actually sends Jesus through a window up to Heaven (Why is the deceptive crucifixion even necessary? Just send Jesus to Heaven)

  4. Some disciples disbelieve in Jesus 12 times, and ultimately they split into three groups: a) those who believe Jesus is Allah, b) those who believe Jesus is Allah's son, and c) Muslims

  5. The first two groups of disciples kill the Muslim disciples, and then Allah hides Islam from the world for 600 years. Allah’s deception and concealment causes Christian population to balloon to 40 million by Muhammad's time

  6. After waiting 600 years and creating 40 million Christians, Allah finally tells the truth only to Muhammad: It was not Jesus, but a body double who was crucified

So Allah’s deception created the world’s largest religion, Christianity.

As to the disciple's identity at the center of Allah’s greatest hoax, IslamQA writes “Knowledge of this matter is of no great benefit; if we needed to know that, our Prophet would have told us.” It should be noted there are multiple hadiths of Muhammad telling us vinegar is a good condiment.

Only Muhammad can turn the story of Jesus into one where his disciples murder and Allah plays a massive 600-year hoax on humanity.

Per Christian tradition, all eleven disciples went out and preached their eyewitness accounts of the resurrection in a peaceful way, willingly suffering severe persecution and (all but John) ultimately being martyred, never even having a chance for war booty or sex slaves.

And Muhammad, master of the Torah and Injil, knows best.

• HOTD #283: Tafsir Ibn Abi Hatim 6233. Classed sahih by Ibn Kathir. See also IslamQA’s Who was the Person Made to Resemble Eesa (Jesus).

HOTD 282: Muhammad says the Dajjal (Antichrist) has “Kafir” written between his eyes. Six year-old boys laugh at the corniness

In this awe-inspiring hadith, Muhammad physically describes the Dajjal, also known as the Antichrist.

Sometimes I am struck by Muhammad’s lack of imagination. The Dajjal is like a villain caricature in a TV cartoon targeted at young boys. But even these cartoons wouldn’t stoop to having “Bad Guy” written between the villain’s eyes.

So here’s how to recognize the Dajjal:

  • “Kafir” will be written between his eyes (Bukhari 7408Muslim 2934b)

  • His blind right eye will look like a bulging grape (Bukhari 3439)

  • He will be short, bow-legged and curly-haired (Abu Dawud 4320)

  • He will be barrel-chested and hunchbacked with a wide forehead (Ahmad 7905)

  • He will be followed by 70,000 Jews from Esfahan, Iran, wearing green cloaks (there are less than 10,000 Jews in all of Iran) (Muslim 2944)

  • He will be carrying a river of water in one hand and a river of fire in the other. But don’t be fooled! The fire is actually the water and vice versa. So drink from the fire (Muslim 2935b)

  • He will be riding a huge donkey, 60 feet between the donkey’s ears (Ahmad 14594Al-Mustadrak 8613, classed sahih by al-Arna’ut and al-Hakim and confirmed by al-Dhahabi, but daif by al-Albani)

So here’s the thing. If I see a one-eyed man with kafir written on his forehead carrying rivers of water and fire with him, followed by 70,000 Jews in green cloaks, I’m pretty sure I’ll recognize him.

So why won’t the whole world recognize this? I’m sure it will be all over the internet when it happens, with plenty of references to Islamic prophecies. The scholar al-Nawawi explains why:

Allah will conceal it from everyone whom He decrees is doomed or whom He wants to test. There is no reason why this should be impossible. (Sharh Sahih Muslim 18/60)

Yes, nothing is impossible when you are not constrained by science, common sense, or morality— except human advancement.

Muhammad also states that “no prophet was sent but that he warned his followers against the one-eyed liar (Al-Dajjal).” One would then think that among the 70+ Biblical prophets, the Bible would be littered with prophets warning of the Dajjal, since as Muhammad says:

Between the creation of Adam and the onset of the Hour there is no creation that has more impact than the Dajjal. (Muslim 2946a)

And yet, I am aware of only one prophet (Daniel) mentioning an end-of-times evil figure. And even the Quran fails to mention the Dajjal, for which in the entire history of the world “there is no creation that has more impact.”

It is as if Muhammad just makes this up as he goes along.

Helpful tip for non-Muslims: As kafir is the one and only word etched on Islam’s most evil being, non-Muslims may want to take note how derogatory the word kafir actually is.

• HOTD #282: Sahih al-Bukhari 34397408

HOTD 281: Muhammad says Allah rejects your prayers if you fart—until you wash your feet

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad teaches that the Creator of 2 Trillion Galaxies rejects your prayers if you fart.

In fact, Allah will forever reject your prayers after a fart until you properly perform wudu (ablution). This involves pouring water over various parts of your body, at least once and ideally three times for most parts, also rinsing your mouth and nose.

There are many things that Muhammad says nullify wudu. These include defecating, urinating, farting, sleeping (because you may have farted), eating camel meat (HOTD 364), and touching your penis (HOTD 318).

The problem with wudu is that it is nonsensical. It is an act depicting physical cleansing, but it doesn’t properly clean you. It avoids one’s private parts, but it’s the private parts that are the cause of needing wudu.

Acknowledging that, Muslims argue that, well, it “spiritually�? cleans you, but any person—not obliged to obedience to Muhammad—would argue that meditation is a far better way of "spiritually" cleansing than washing your feet.

Ultimately, it boils down to: You do it because Muhammad said so. You do it because Muhammad says sins literally leave your body when you do it (Ibn Majah 282). You do it because Muhammad says the angels will stop praying for you if you don’t (HOTD 320).

You do it because a sex-slave owner —who says girl's urine is worse than boy's urine (HOTD 315) and that Allah gives you 100 points for killing a gecko (HOTD 354)—told you to.

• HOTD #281: Sahih al-Bukhari 6954

HOTD 280: Muhammad says to wipe your butt an odd number of times

In this important religious teaching, OCD symptomatic (HOTD 344) Muhammad instructs us that we must wipe our butt an odd number of times.

As other hadiths make clear, by “odd number,” Muhammad means three or more, not just once.

Muhammad justifies his compulsion for wiping his butt an odd number times by saying that Allah Himself loves odd numbers:

When any one of you cleans himself with pebbles (after defecating), let him use an odd number, for Allah is Witr (One) and He loves that which is odd-numbered.

Musnad Ahmad 7345. Classed sahih by al-Arna’ut and Ahmad Shakir.

But for a divinity who supposedly loves odd numbers, Allah actually seems to favor even numbers. In fact, the bilateral symmetry of humans and animals is almost exclusively even numbers.

If Muhammad were truly an insightful Messenger, Muhammad would instead say that Allah loves symmetry. In addition to the bilateral symmetry found in animals (even numbers), there is the radial symmetry in plants (even and odd numbers). There is symmetry in the wallpaper patterns found in nature (e.g., hexagonal symmetry of honeycombs). There is symmetry in physics, such as the famous Poincaré symmetry of special relativity.

But if Muhammad says Allah loves odd numbers, so be it. And Allah Muhammad knows best.

• HOTD #280: Sahih Muslim 239 (565)

HOTD 279: Celebrated dog-hater Muhammad says Allah gives daily demerits for keeping a dog, reducing your chance of going to Heaven

So the real question for me is:

• How many geckos can I kill daily, at 100 hasanas (merit points) per pop (HOTD 354), to offset two qirats of daily demerits from keeping a dog?

Sadly, no one knows the qirat-to-hasana conversion ratio. Muhammad only says that two qirats are “like two huge mountains.” (Bukhari 1325)

And Allah knows best.

• HOTD #279: Sahih al-Bukhari 5480. See also HOTD 338 and HOTD 313.

HOTD 278: Muhammad says he’s entitled to 20% of war booty for himself + a share for himself + a special portion for himself

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad outlines the four key religious principles that a tribe must follow to receive “protection.”

  1. Shahada

  2. Salat

  3. Zakat

  4. Pay Muhammad multiple cuts from war booty

While most Muslims are aware of Muhammad’s requirement that he get 20% of war spoils, this apparently is not enough for Muhammad.

He also gets any share that otherwise would have gone to a martyr or to a jihadi missing in action. Plus he gets al-Safi, a special portion just for him.

The scholar al-Khattabi explains:

As for “the share of the Prophet ﷺ” it is the share belonging to a man martyred on an occasion overseen by the Messenger of Allah ﷺ or who goes missing.

As for the “special portion (al-Safi),” it is what is chosen from the aggregated war booty before the khumus (⅕), such as a slave, a slave-girl, a horse, a sword or something else. And the Prophet ﷺ would take that along with the khumus, which belongs to him. (Ma'alimus Sunan 3/28-29)

And so the Unlettered Prophet helpfully “wrote this document” explaining exactly how to pay him protection money.

Islam and the mafia are remarkably analogous. 10 Ways the Mafia and Islam are Similar.

• HOTD #278: Sunan Abu Dawud 2999. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 277: Muhammad says drinking the fat of a sheep’s tail cures sciatica. Okay, let’s do a double blind clinical study on it. If untrue, Muhammad is a false prophet

Muhammad says:

Allah does not send down any disease, but He also sends down the cure. (Ibn Majah 3439)

While my family is still looking for the cystic fibrosis cure Allah sent down, thankfully Allah let His Messenger know the cure for sciatica.

Sciatica is pain felt from the sciatic nerve that runs from the lower back down the leg. 90% of the time it is caused by spinal disc herniation, also known as a slipped disc. Muhammad says drinking fat of a sheep’s tail will cure it.

So this is easy to test. Conduct a double blind clinical trial—conducted by non-Muslim doctors, as Muslims are forbidden from refuting the Sunnah—and see if there is a statistically different outcome between those who drink the sheep-tail fat and those who drink a placebo.

A sahih hadith reveals a mawdu Sunnah.

• HOTD #277: Sunan Ibn Majah 3463. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 277: Muhammad says drinking the fat of a sheep’s tail cures sciatica. Okay, let’s do a double blind clinical study on it. If untrue, Muhammad is a false prophet

Muhammad says:

Allah does not send down any disease, but He also sends down the cure. (Ibn Majah 3439)

While my family is still looking for the cystic fibrosis cure Allah sent down, thankfully Allah let His Messenger know the cure for sciatica.

Sciatica is pain felt from the sciatic nerve that runs from the lower back down the leg. 90% of the time it is caused by spinal disc herniation, also known as a slipped disc. Muhammad says drinking fat of a sheep’s tail will cure it.

So this is easy to test. Conduct a double blind clinical trial—conducted by non-Muslim doctors, as Muslims are forbidden from refuting the Sunnah—and see if there is a statistically different outcome between those who drink the sheep-tail fat and those who drink a placebo.

A sahih hadith reveals a mawdu Sunnah.

• HOTD #277: Sunan Ibn Majah 3463. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 276: Muhammad says it’s more important to hide your naked body from Allah—even when alone—than from other people

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad explains that Allah does not want to see your naked body—His own divinely perfect creation. It is actually more important to hide your awrah (nakedness) from Allah than from people.

Sometimes the stupidity is so high, there are no words.

Rather, I want to mention an irony within the hadith. In this hadith on pleasing Allah, Muhammad says a man need not hide his nakedness from his sex slaves (“those whom his right hand possesses”).

But Muhammad, what if the way to please Allah is to NOT OWN SEX SLAVES, to NOT RAPE HIS OWN CREATIONS, rather than worrying about being naked in front of Him?

• HOTD #276: Sunan Abu Dawud 4017. Classed hasan by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 275: Muhammad likens women to donkeys and dogs

In this glorious and deservedly famous hadith, Muhammad says that women, dogs and donkeys sever a prayer.

The hadith means that when one is praying (without an imam), and one of these three "creatures" passes in front of you—and you do not have a sutrah (an object, such as a saddle, that serves as a symbolic screen between you and others) in front you—then your prayer is severed.

Scholars differ on whether this is literal invalidation of a prayer, or rather a warning that these three "creatures" are particularly Satanic distractions to a man’s prayer.

Ibn Rajab explains why these three are singled out:

Three are singled out for taking precautions against them. They are:

  • Women – because women are the traps of the Shaitan, and when a woman goes out of her house, the hopes of the Shaitan are raised. (See HOTD 289.) The Shaitan sought to bring about the expulsion of Adam from Paradise by means of women.

  • The black dog - It is a devil, as is stated in the hadith. (See HOTD 338. Note: today’s hadith also exists singling out black dogs.)

  • The same applies to donkeys, hence one is to seek refuge with Allah when hearing the voice of a donkey in the night, because it has seen the Shaitan.

Ibn Rajab, Fath al-Bari 4/135

Because of the embarrassing nature of this hadith, Islamic scholars work overtime trying to defend it. But Aisha calls it like it is: “You have likened us to donkeys and dogs!"

Aisha then protests:

By Allah, I saw the Messenger of Allah ﷺ praying while I was lying on the bed, between him and the Qiblah. (Muslim 512d)

But scholars explain that passing in front is different than lying down. Ibn Baaz writes:

With regard to the words of Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), they are her own opinion and conclusion. She said: “What a bad thing to liken us to donkeys and dogs.” She said that she used to lie in front of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ when he was praying, but that is not passing in front, because lying is not called passing. The Sunnah concerning that was not known to her, and the one who learns something is a proof against the one who is unaware of it.

Majmu al-Fatawa Ibn Baaz 24/22

Bottom line: Muhammad once again insults women with his misogyny.

He likens women to some of the most repulsive animals in Islam. Dogs embody even greater impurity than pigs. And donkeys are described by Muhammad as rijs (dirty, filthy, abominable) and thus forbidden to eat.

How many insults are Muslim women willing to endure?

• HOTD #275: Sunan Ibn Majah 950Sahih Muslim 512d (1143). Ibn Majah 950 classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut. Muslim 512d classed sahih by Imam Muslim.

HOTD 274: Muhammad teaches important religious lesson: hold your penis and wipe your butt with left hand + Bonus lesson on how to drink

Is this what the Creator of the Universe cares about—or—what an OCD symptomatic man cares about?

• HOTD #274: Sunan Abu Dawud 31. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 273: Muhammad says—if you recite a prayer three times—no poisonous scorpion sting can harm you. Okay, let’s test this with 100 Deathstalker scorpions

In this hadith celebrating Islamic preventive medicine, Muhammad assures Muslims that if they recite a certain dua (supplication) 3 times, they will not be harmed by any poisonous sting they receive. Related hadiths specifically mention scorpion stings (Muslim 2709Ibn Majah 3518).

In today’s hadith, one of the subnarrators, Suhail bin Abi Salih, adds:

So our family used to learn it and they used to say it every night. A girl among them was stung, and she did not feel any pain.

So there you have it. Both Muhammad and a Salaf attest to the reliability of this supplication.

So which Muslims with true iman will step up to the plate and prove Muhammad correct? Who will lock themselves in a bedroom with 100 Deathstalker scorpions, recite the dua three times, and go to sleep?

Or will they be Hypocrites and not trust their Prophet?

Muhammad, by proclaiming himself Allah’s Messenger, needs to be held to the highest standard of any human in the truth and accuracy of his words. But, bizarrely, Muslims seemingly set the bar lower for Muhammad than they would for anyone else.

At what point do Muslims hold Muhammad accountable for the incredulous claims he makes?

• HOTD #273: Jami al-Tirmidhi 3604 (1). Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 272: Muhammad says Allah rejects the prayer of any woman He sees with exposed hair

Remarkably, Allah believes in sexist double standards. So if Allah sees a woman without a head covering, He will reject her prayers.

Of course, men can show their hair, and anything below the knee and above the navel, including their hairy chests, and their prayers will be accepted. (Hanbalis say men's shoulders must be covered.)

khimar means a head covering. It is a scarf that covers the head, shoulders and bosom. It is a charged word because of its implications in interpreting Quran 24:31. In normal usage, it does not imply a face covering.

Allah’s demand that a woman’s hair be hidden during prayer includes when she is alone. Every school of Islamic jurisprudence agrees on this. Sheikh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyya explains:

If a woman is praying alone, she is commanded to cover herself. When she is not praying, it is permissible for her to uncover her head in her house. (Majmu al-Fatawa 22/113)

Because to Allah Muhammad, rules overrule your heart.

• HOTD #272: Abu Dawud 641. Classed sahih by al-Albani and hasan by al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 271: FGM and singing. One is Sunna. One is Satanic

In this glorious hadith, we learn how to amuse girls who are having their clitorises cut off.

So what is really Satanic?

  1. A person singing, or

  2. A person cutting off the clitorises of young girls

And let me leave you with these lovely words from Muhammad’s Companion Ibn Masud:

Singing sprouts hypocrisy in the heart.

(Al-Bayhaqi, Shu'ab al-Iman 4744, 4745. Classed sahih by al-Albani.)

• HOTD #271: Al-Bukhari, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 1247. Classed sahih by Ibn Rajab (Nuzhat al-Asma, p. 55) and hasan by al-Albani.

HOTD 270: Muhammad “a mercy to the worlds” has his crew wildly beat a man who drank wine

So who is the real evildoer in this hadith?

• HOTD #270: Sunan Abu Dawud 4487. Classed hasan sahih by al-Albani and hasan by al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 269: Muhammad says that—on the Day of Resurrection—Allah will pour water on the Earth, causing everyone to re-sprout from their buried tailbones + Islamic science: tailbones do not decay

So this is what is going to happen on the Day of Resurrection:

Starting the chain of events, the angel Israfil will blow his trumpet. This will cause everyone to swoon and die.

Allah will then pour rain on the Earth. This rain will cause every human ever born to sprout like herbs from their buried tailbones.

As the tailbone, per Muhammad, is the one bone that does not decay, this will not be a problem.

Then after a time period of 40 (days, months, years; we do not know), Israfil will blow his trumpet again. Humanity will then stand naked and uncircumcised (everyone’s foreskin and clitorises grow back), and they will be judged by Allah and sent to Heaven or Hell–which destination was preordained anyway.

Or maybe Muhammad made it all up.

Interestingly, even 600 years ago, Muslim scholars knew the "eternal tailbone" was bogus and made various “the hadith doesn’t mean what it says” arguments. But Ibn Hajar, 15th century scholar and author of Fath al-Bari, has words for them:

Some commentators have argued that the meaning is that it (the tailbone) lasts longer, but not that it does not eventually decay. The wisdom is to highlight that it (the tailbone) is the origin of humans and the base from which they are built and that is why it is more solid. Being more solid, it decays over a longer period of time. However, this is contrary to the hadith’s apparent meaning and is without evidence.

Fath al-Bari 8/553

• HOTD #269: Sahih Muslim 2955a (7414). See also Bukhari 4935.

HOTD 268: “Muhammad: the Best of All Husbands” divorces Hafsa (after Hafsa reveals his “secret” that she caught him having sex with his slave in Hafsa’s bed)

In this revealing hadith, Muhammad divorces his wife Hafsa.

In Islam, for a man to divorce a woman, all he must say is, “I divorce you.” He must say it three times, ideally over three menstrual cycles, for it to be finalized.

Muhammad gave Hafsa one divorce, but he took her back because:

Gabriel (peace be upon him) said to me, “Go back to Hafsa, for she fasts a lot and prays a lot at night, and she will be your wife in Paradise.”

(Al-Mustadrak 6753. Classed hasan by al-Albani.)

It is consensus among the uluma that Muhammad divorced Hafsa because she revealed Muhammad’s "secret." This is what is discussed in Quran 66:1-5, some of the most extraordinarily self-serving verses in the entire Quran. (Allah threatens Hafsa and Aisha that Muhammad will divorce them if they don’t shape up.)

The exegete al-Tabari also arrives at that conclusion in an interesting (to me) linguistic discussion on the term arrafa found in 66:3:

He arafa (without the shadda on the letter "r") what Ḥafṣa did when she revealed the secret that he confided in her, meaning: The Prophet ﷺ was angry with her and for that he punished her. Like the saying of one to someone who wronged him: “For I will penalize you (u’arrifanna) for what you did, meaning that I will punish you for it.

They said: And the Prophet ﷺ punished her for what she did by divorcing her.

(Tafsir al-Tabari 23/91-92)

So what was Muhammad’s secret? There are two different sahih stories on what happened. The first one makes sense. The second one makes no sense.

Scholars typically say that both stories are true, which I find implausible. In any case, the two stories are:

  1. Muhammad is caught by wife Hafsa having sex with his slave Maria in Hafsa’s bed on Hafsa’s day. Muhammad tells Hafsa not to tell anyone and makes an oath to her that he won’t have sex with Maria anymore. Hafsa ends up telling Aisha the secret. All hell breaks loose when all the wives find out. (Nasai 3411Tafsir al-Jalalayn 66:1)

  2. Wives Aisha and Hafsa want Muhammad to stop eating honey with his wife Zainab bint Jahsh. They falsely tell Muhammad that he smells bad after eating honey at Zainab’s. Muhammad then makes an oath that he won’t eat honey with Zainab anymore, and this needs to be kept a secret. Hafsa tells some other wife this. All hell breaks loose when all the wives find out. (Bukhari 6691)

Muhammad behaves like a petulant man-child in divorcing Hafsa. After getting caught having sex with his slave on Hafsa’s bed, he should be begging Hafsa for forgiveness every single day. Instead, he divorces her.

But thankfully the angel Gabriel (or Hafsa’s father Umar) got Muhammad to take Hafsa back.

Funny enough, there is a book called The Prophet Muhammad: the Best of All Husbands. That Muhammad divorced Hafsa or had sex with his slave in Hafsa's bed is mentioned nowhere in the book.

• HOTD #268: Sunan Abu Dawud 2283. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 267: Muhammad, a man who uses hair dye, asks Allah to curse women with hair extensions

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad asks Allah to curse women who use hair extensions. The reason he gives is that hair extensions give a “false impression.” (Nasa’i 5250)

But Muhammad, who dyes his grey hair (HOTD 286), is also giving a "false impression." This is hypocritical. Dyeing his grey hair gives Muhammad, a 60 year-old man married to wives in their teens and 20’s, a younger and hipper appearance.

His preferred hair dye is a combination of katam and henna (Ibn Majah 3622, 3623), which produces a black color with a tinge of red undertone. This combination, similar to mixing indigo with henna, is still used today to produce a soft black hair dye, meant to mimic one's natural hair.

Cursing

Throughout the Hadith literature, Muhammad curses—and says that Allah curses—women with hair extensions, often along with women with tattoos.

To curse someone is to ask Allah to deny His blessings to that person. To me, that is both selfish and evil, and never in my life was I comfortable with it, much less cursing over something as petty as hair extensions.

In fact, it can be argued that hair extensions are a kabira (major sin) because a standard definition of kabira is a sin for which one is cursed. Ibn Uthaymin explains:

This hadith contains a stern warning to the one who does that, because the Messenger ﷺ said: “May Allah curse the woman who affixes hair extensions and the woman who has that done.” What is meant by being cursed is being excluded and banished far away from the mercy of Allah. The scholars have stated that every sin for which Allah, may He be exalted, has decreed the punishment of being cursed is one of the kaba'ir (major sins).

Fatawa Nur ala al-Darb 11/36

In Islam, sex slavery is not even a sin, while hair extensions are arguably a major sin.

• HOTD #267: Sunan al-Nasa’i 5100. Classed sahih by al-Albani. See also Bukhari 5937.

HOTD 266: Muhammad’s senior Companions state the Quran bans singing

In these culturally-uplifting hadiths, Muhammad’s Companions (Sahaba) say the Quran bans singing.

I, like most people, love music and singing. It is difficult to imagine life without music.

But Islam is hostile to music. Every school of Islamic jurisprudence forbids musical instruments, including singing to such instruments. Acapella singing is also forbidden, but most contemporary scholars give an exception to nasheeds (Islamic poetry sung to a tune), if done infrequently and without instruments.

In these hadiths, senior Companions Ibn Abbas and Ibn Masud provide tafsir (interpretation) of the Quranic verse:

And of mankind is he who purchases idle talks to mislead from the path of Allah (Quran 31:6)

They both say the term “idle talks” refers to singing.

The scholar Ibn al-Qayyim explains that Quran 31:6 refers to music and that tafsir of the Companions is the best interpretation. He writes:

The interpretation of the Companions and Successors that “idle talks” refers to singing is sufficient. This was reported with sahih chains of transmission from Ibn Abbas and Ibn Masud….

Al-Hakim Abu Abdullah said in the tafsir of Kitab al-Mustadrak: Let the one who is seeking this knowledge know that the tafsir of a Companion who witnessed the revelation is a musnad hadith (one with a connected chain of transmission to Muhammad) according to the two Sheikhs (al-Bukhari and Muslim). (Al-Mustadrak 3021) Elsewhere in his book, he said, “In our view this hadith has the same strength as a marfu report (a narration of Muhammad).”

Ighathat al-Lahfan, p. 424-25

And let me leave you with wisdom from Ibn Masud:

Singing sprouts hypocrisy in the heart.

(Al-Bayhaqi, Shu'ab al-Iman 4744, 4745. Classed sahih by al-Albani.)

• HOTD #266: Al-Bukhari, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 1265. Classed sahih by al-Albani. Al-Hakim, Al-Mustadrak 3542. Classed sahih by al-Hakim and confirmed by al-Dhahabi.

HOTD 265: Ali rapes a slave-girl. Muhammad says he is entitled to it

In this disturbing hadith, Ali rapes a slave-girl, and Muhammad says he is entitled to it.

As explained by scholar Ibn Hajar in Fath al-Bari, this is what happened:

After a battle, Muhammad sent Ali to collect the khumus, which is the ⅕ of war booty that goes to Muhammad. Ali goes to collect the war booty and takes “a wasifa (young slave-girl), the finest among the war prisoners” and has sex with her. Buraida is furious with Ali about this.

There are two reasons for Buraida’s anger:

  1. Ali took from the khumus, which belongs to Muhammad

  2. Ali had sex with a slave-girl without the Istibra

Istibra is one menstrual period of sexual abstinence for a female slave when she is captured or changes ownership. This is to ensure that there is no confusion on paternity.

(Note that Buraida doesn’t care that a young girl was raped—just that proper Istibra wasn’t observed.)

Ali writes a letter to Muhammad in which he explains why he took and had sex with the slave-girl. Ali says, as a member of the household of Muhammad, he was simply taking part of the khumus that would have been apportioned to him anyway. Muhammad agrees and tells Buraida that Ali deserves even more than the slave-girl.

Ibn Hajar writes:

"Ali was blamed for having intercourse with the slave-girl without the Istibra and also for the share of the khumus that he took for himself.

Now the first allegation is defensible as she was a virgin and not pubescent, and thus she did not need any Istibra — in accordance with the practice of many Sahaba (Companions) before him. And she might have had her period after becoming his and then became purified after one day and one night. He had intercourse with her with no ill intent….

He (scholar al-Khattabi) stated regarding the first issue that it is possible that she was a virgin or prepubescent, or that he relied on his reasoning for forgoing Istibra.”

Fath al-Bari 8/67

Now just absorb that for a moment.

It was the regular practice of Muhammad's Companions to rape prepubescent slave-girls.

• HOTD #265: Sahih al-Bukhari 4350

HOTD 264: Muhammad says when you get a new wife or animal, hold her by the forelock and pray to Allah for protection from her evil

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad again puts women in the same category as animals. (See HOTD 275)

In this case, Muhammad teaches the same dua (supplication) for when you get a new wife, servant (slave) or animal. The Muslim man should pray for protection from the woman/animal's evil while holding its forelock, the hair on the front part of the head.

Significance of holding a person’s forelock

The term used in the hadith, Akhudh bi nasiyatihi (take hold of the forelock), is also an Arabic expression meaning to "have total control over." For instance, in this bedtime dua focused on protection from vermin and devils:

“I seek refuge in You from the evil of all things that You seize by the forelock [i.e., have full control over].” (Muslim 2713a)

By literally holding onto the forelock of his wife or slave-girl, the man is displaying his total control over her—which of course is accurate, as Muhammad describes wives as men’s “captives” (Tirmidhi 1163) and slave-girls as “those whom your right hands possess” (Quran 4:24).**

Irony of the dua

It is ironic, particularly in the case of a slave-girl, that the man is the one asking for protection from “evil.”

For instance, in HOTD 265, Ali rapes a slave-girl. Did Ali actually have the gall to pray against the girl’s evil before doing evil unto her (i.e., raping her)? Does any man who recites this dua not see the irony that HE may be the one from whose evil, protection should be sought?

So what dua does Muhammad teach women to recite when getting a husband? I am unaware of any.

Lesson: Holding women by the hair and praying against their evil ≠ feminist religion.

• HOTD #264: Sunan Ibn Majah 1918. Classed hasan by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 263: Muhammad reveals the exact lyrics to be sung by virgin houris to their husbands in Heaven: ♫ “We’re the beautiful houris, given to noble husbands” ♫

In these heavenly hadiths, Muhammad tells us the exact lyrics that virgin houris will sing to their husbands in Paradise.

And, not surprisingly, Muhammad’s the houris’ lyrics highlight how desirable houris are.

Apparently houris like to sing about themselves collectively, always referring to themselves as “we.” It’s a good thing, because we men wouldn’t want houris to be too individualistic.

In Paradise, the houris, seemingly still trying to sell themselves, will sing to their husbands that houris are “beautiful” and “virtuous” and that their “noble husbands gaze at us with pleased eyes.”

So will the Muslim men sing back to the virgin houris:

♫ “We are the virile husbands, each with the sexual power of 100 men .” ♫

(See Tirmidhi 2536)

• HOTD #263: Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Awsat 49176497. Both classed sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 262: Where women should pray—Part 1

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad says that women should not go to the mosque, but rather should stay in their house to pray.

This is similar to HOTD 289, in which Muhammad discourages women from going outside at all.

Muhammad does not forbid women from attending mosque. Rather, he discourages it, saying that praying in their house is better.

Do not prevent your women from going to the mosque—but their houses are better for them. (Abu Dawud 567)

However, Aisha says that, were Muhammad still alive and saw how emboldened and improper women have become, he would forbid women from going to the mosque.

Had the Messenger of Allah ﷺ seen what the women are doing in our times, he would have prevented them from going to the mosque, just as the Children of Israel were prevented. (Abu Dawud 569)

Muhammad goes through a hierarchy of places for a woman to pray from best-to-worst:

  1. Her house, meaning her room inside her house

  2. Her courtyard, which is typically the enclosed outdoor entryway of her house

  3. Her local mosque

  4. Muhammad’s mosque (The Prophet's Mosque)

What is interesting is that prayers in a mosque's congregation give 25 times the hasanas (merit points) than prayers at home (Bukhari 646). And praying in the Prophet’s Mosque gives 1000 times more hasanas than praying in other mosques (Bukhari 1190).

So what does this mean for women getting 25 and 1000 times the hasanas?

Ibn Rajab writes regarding the 25x reward:

In the hadeeth of Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) which was narrated by al-Bukhari, it says: “(The reward for) the prayer of a man offered in congregation is multiplied.�? This indicates that the reward for a woman’s prayer offered in congregation is not multiplied, because her prayer in her house is better for her. (Fath al-Bari 6/19)

Ibn Khuzaymah writes regarding the 1000x reward:

This (Ahmad 27090) is the evidence that the words of the Prophet ﷺ “One prayer in this mosque of mine is better than one thousand prayers in any other mosque�? refers to the prayer of men and not the prayer of women. (Sahih Ibn Khuzaymah 1689)

There is clear consensus among the ulama that Allah prefers that a woman pray at home than at the mosque, and that Allah will give a woman more hasanas (merit points) for praying at home.

Lesson: A religion that says women get less reward for praying in its house of worship ≠ “feminist religion.�?

• HOTD #262: Musnad Ahmad 27090. Classed sahih by Ahmad Shakir (Al-Muhalla 3/133) and hasan by al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 261: Muhammad says women should pray—instead of in the mosque—in the most secluded, innermost part of their houses—effectively their walk-in closets

In Where Women Should Pray—Part 1 (HOTD 262), Muhammad explains that women should pray in their houses instead of mosques.

In today's Where Women Should Pray—Part 2, the following question is addressed:

Question: Where exactly in the house should women pray?

Answer: It should be in the most secluded, innermost part of the house. Muhammad specifically mentions that a woman’s cabinet (a small private chamber used for storage) is the preferred area. The modern version would be a walk-in closet.

Shamsul Haq Azimabadi writes:

“A woman’s prayer in her house” means the inner room, as it is more concealing. “Is better than her prayer in her courtyard” refers to the area inside the (traditional Arabic courtyard) house unto which all the doors of the house open, which is less concealing than the inner room. “And her prayer in her cabinet” refers to a small room inside her large room, in which she keeps her precious things safe, hiding objects within her storage. “Better than her prayer in her house” because a woman should be concealed as much as possible. (Awn al-Ma'bud 2/194-195)

Umm Humaid, a Companion of Muhammad, took this to heart when she did the following:

So she ordered that a prayer-place be built for her in the furthest and darkest part of her house, and she always prayed there until she met Allah (i.e., died). (HOTD 262)

And don’t forget, even if a woman is praying alone in her dark, secluded cabinet with no one else in the house, Allah will still reject her prayer if He sees her hair. (HOTD 272)

• HOTD #261: Musnad Ahmad 26542. Classed hasan by al-Albani and al-Arna’utSunan Abu Dawud 570. Classed sahih by al-Albani and hasan by al-Arna’ut.

See also IslamQA’s Attending prayers in congregation in a mosque where women are uncovered when doing wudoo’, in which horny men are flustered when women fold up their sleeves and leg cuffs in the mosque.

HOTD 260: Muhammad orders large-scale beat down of women. In one night, 70 beaten women complain to Muhammad’s wives, causing him to back down

In this hadith, Muhammad orders the large-scale beating of women because they became “bold towards their husbands.”

Muhammad was urged on by his Companion Umar, a noted misogynist about whom Muhammad says, “If there were to be a Prophet after me, it would be Umar bin al-Khattab.” (Tirmidhi 3686)

But after 70 (!) beaten women complain to Muhammad’s wives in one night, Muhammad backs down and tells the wife-beaters:

You will not find that those (men whose wives complained) are the best of you.

Well, that will teach those men! Maybe, Muhammad, you shouldn’t have ordered the beatings in the first place. (Scholars reconcile Muhammad’s (gentle) admonishment of the men by saying that the women must have been beaten “excessively.”)

Islam—where women are beaten (lightly™) for becoming "bold towards their husbands.”

• HOTD #260: Sunan Ibn Majah 1985. Classed sahih by al-Arna’ut and hasan sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 259: Muhammad says ajwa fruit dates are from Heaven and cure poisoning. Muhammad dies of poisoning

Hadiths on Muhammad’s quackery run deep. See for instance HOTDs 273277322.

Ajwa dates are dates grown in the Medina area. Muhammad states that ajwa dates are both curative and preventative against poison. A preventative example is below:

Whoever eats seven ajwa dates in the morning will not be harmed by any poison or witchcraft that day. (Bukhari 5779)

But Muhammad died of poisoning! (Bukhari 4428) He consumed poisoned mutton prepared by a Jewish woman of Khaibar after Muhammad attacked Khaibar. (Muslim 2190)

Clearly, he could have eaten these ajwa dates “from Paradise” that he says are a “cure for poison” and cured himself. (Though only subtly different, the Arabic is better translated as “It is a cure for poison” without “contains.”)

He suffered from the effects of this poisoning for four years before dying (likely also contributing to his remarkable infertility despite having nine wives during these four years).

Muhammad had plenty of opportunity to cure himself. But the ajwa dates, a cure for poison that Muhammad says was sent down from Paradise, did not cure him from poison. Muhammad was wrong.

And so now: which Muslims will demonstrate true iman to Allah, attest to His Messenger’s credibility, and consume a tablespoon of ground aconite, knowing that ajwa dates will protect them?

Or rather, which Muslims will state “the hadith doesn’t mean what it says”?

Truffles

The phrase “Truffles are the earth’s smallpox” means they are plentiful and easily found. The phrase “Truffles are a form of manna” means they are a divine gift. The phrase “Its liquid is a cure for the eye (i.e., eye diseases)” means Muhammad is a charlatan.

We have not learned about any scientific research that has provided a modern treatment using this plant (truffle). However, it is enough for us to know that the Prophet ﷺ, whose sayings were all based on Revelation, prescribed the plant as a medicine. (Islamweb fatwa 6810)

• HOTD #259: Jami al-Tirmidhi 2068. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 258: Muhammad says the Jews were destroyed because their women used hair extensions

In this glorious hadith, Judaic historian Muhammad explains that the Jews were destroyed because of their women’s hair extensions.

Badr al-Din al-Ayni explains:

“The Israelites were destroyed when their ladies practiced this habit.” That is, when it was adopted by their women, and it was the reason for their destruction. It indicates that it was haram to them, and when they did it, all were identified with those committing the sins, and they perished. This indicates that the multitudes may be punished upon the appearance of vice.

Umdat al-Qari 16/55

Muhammad, who uses hair dye, curses women with hair extensions (HOTD 267) because it gives a "false impression." He creates supporting evidence by creating a story on how women's hair extensions destroyed Jews.

Sometimes you just to have to laugh.

• HOTD #258: Sahih al-Bukhari 3468

HOTD 257: Muhammad commands people be burned alive. Changes mind, says burning people is reserved for Allah. Orders different killing method instead

In this fiery hadith, Muhammad, “a mercy to the worlds” (Quran 21:107) orders two people be burned alive. But then he changes his mind.

But does he change his mind because burning people alive is evil and barbaric? Of course not. Rather, his reasoning is that burning people is reserved for Allah.

And so when his jihadis capture these two, Muhammad wants them killed by the sword. Because that is the Religion of Peace’s definition of humanity.

This is what particularly disturbs me about Muhammad's behavior:

Muhammad is only able to restrain his own evil—his desire to burn people alive—by deferring such evil to Allah.

Muhammad never once considers that burning people alive is evil.

How can a person not realize how wicked, horrific and inhumane burning people alive is?

At what point does a person go beyond evil and turn into a caricature of evil?

• HOTD #257: Sahih al-Bukhari 2954

HOTD 256: Muhammad proudly proclaims he is the first to revive Allah’s command to stone adulterers. Orders man stoned to death

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad ensures that humanity goes backwards by reviving a stoning punishment for adultery.

Even though Muhammad says he is closest of anyone to Jesus (Muslim 2365), Muhammad obviously rejects “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.�?

Rather, Muhammad seemingly wants to double down on barbarity. In addition to reviving stoning, Muhammad separately adopts the Arab pagan practice of cutting off hands for theft (Tafsir Ibn Kathir 5:38).

The hadith settles the matter on stoning by stating that Allah, in relation to this incident, revealed:

“And whosoever does not judge by what Allah has revealed, such are the infidels.�? (Quran 5:44)

And thus anyone who does not believe in stoning is a kafir infidel, doomed to eternal Hell.

• HOTD #256: Sahih Muslim 1700a (4440)

HOTD 255: Muhammad identifies the source of a smelly wind: Hypocrites slandering Muslims

In this magnificent hadith, Muhammad identifies the source of a smelly wind.

Rotting carcasses? Petroleum? Bacterial water infestation?

No. It is the smell of Hypocrites backbiting Muslims.

Now this hadith is more than your typical Muhammad-spouting-nonsense hadith. There is great irony in it.

By fabricating this story about a smelly wind’s source, Muhammad is slandering the group of bad Muslims he calls “Hypocrites.” But Muhammad is doing the very thing of which he is accusing the “Hypocrites,” which makes Muhammad himself a hypocrite.

Muhammad has an annoying habit of lying to denigrate others. I touch on this in HOTDs 333334, in which Muhammad fabricates stories to denigrate Jews and polytheists.

• HOTD #255: Al-Bukhari, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 733. Classed hasan by al-Albani. See also Al-Adab al-Mufrad 732 and Musnad Ahmad 14784, classed hasan by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 254: Muhammad says to lick your fingers—or have others lick your fingers—after eating. Your fingers must be licked because Allah’s blessing might be in food particles there

In this wise hadith, Muhammad orders Muslims to lick their fingers—or have someone else lick them (!)—after eating.

The reason is that Allah’s food blessing might be in these food particles. If you do not lick your fingers, you must at least give someone else the chance to suck off Allah’s blessings from your fingers.

The way that Allah’s food blessing works is as follows (See HOTD 359):

  1. Allah beams His blessing from the sky into the dead center of your food

  2. After hitting the center of your food, the blessing spreads outward across the dish

  3. The blessing does not reach all of the food. Some food parts are missed

In Sahih Muslim 2033a, Muhammad instructs that Muslims lick their plates too.

Perhaps because it is embarrassing that Muhammad orders Muslims to eat like cats and dogs, the Darussalam translator adds a parenthetical “wiping” to “the Prophet ﷺ enjoined licking one's fingers and (wiping) the plate.”

There are hadiths in which Muhammad says “wipe,” but in Muslim 2033a, as well as multiple other sahih hadiths, Muhammad instructs that Muslims specifically lick the plate.

And Allah Muhammad knows best.

• HOTD #254: Sahih al-Bukhari 5456Sahih Muslim 2033a (5300).

HOTD 253: Muhammad says if you see a person praise another, throw dust in his face

In this glorious hadith—that effectively bans all award shows—Muhammad orders Muslims to throw dust in the faces of anyone who praises others.

Muhammad explains that if you absolutely must compliment someone, say as follows:

A man praised another man in front of the Prophet ﷺ. The Prophet ﷺ said three times, "Woe to you! You have cut the neck of your brother!" The Prophet ﷺ added, "If it is indispensable for anyone of you to praise a person, then he should say, ‘I think that such and such person (is so-and-so), and Allah is the One Who will take his accounts and none can sanctify anybody before Allah.’" (Bukhari 6162)

This made me imagine Jimmy Kimmel somberly hosting the Academy Awards:

“And presenting the Best Actor award will be Jane Fonda. I think that Jane Fonda is a wonderful actress and philanthropist—and Allah is the one who takes her accounts and none can sanctify anybody before Allah.”

But Muhammad contradicts himself by praising Sahaba (Companions) in numerous hadiths. Addressing this contradiction, al-Nawawi writes:

These are hadiths that prohibit praising a person in his presence. However there are many authentic hadiths regarding the permissibility of doing this.

The scholars have said: The way we reconcile these hadiths is:

If the one being praised has perfect iman (faith), certainty, is secure in himself, trains his soul and possesses awareness to the extent that he will not be trialed or deceived by this praise nor will this praise play upon his conscience—then in this circumstance it is not prohibited nor is it disliked to praise him in his presence.

If however, any of these above matters are feared and that person is not secure, then it is disliked to praise him in his presence, and it is disliked in the strongest terms. The differing hadiths are understood in this context and according to this explanation.

Al-Nawawi, Riyad al-Salihin 1790

So there you have it. If a person is Islamically perfect like a Sahib (Companion of Muhammad), then you can praise him. Otherwise, no.

• HOTD #253: Muslim 3002b (7506)

HOTD 252: Muhammad says, in Hell, Allah will burn Muslims to a crisp except their foreheads. The unburnt foreheads will allow Angels to distinguish Muslims from infidels, and then transport Muslims to Heaven

 

In this majestic hadith, Muhammad outlines the events facing the Jahannamiyyoon (those who had been in Hell). These are sinful Muslims who will spend time in Hell, but by virtue of being Muslim, eventually go to Paradise.

According to Muhammad, this is what happens:

  1. On the Day of Judgment, Muslims will cross a bridge over Hell. This bridge will have gnarly thorns, like the al-sadan plant, that will catch and tear away at sinful Muslims

  2. Sinful Muslims will fall from the bridge into Hell

  3. In Hell, Allah will burn these Muslims to a crisp—except their foreheads, because Allah won’t allow the mark of prostration be burnt

  4. Allah will order His Angels to take the Muslims out of Hell. The Angels will recognize Muslims by the unburnt foreheads and retrieve them

  5. The Angels will then take the burnt Muslims to Paradise and lay them along river banks. Water will be poured on them and they will sprout like seeds (See also HOTD 287)

  6. Allah will admit all of the Muslims to Paradise except one man

  7. Allah will haze this one man, but then he will be admitted into Paradise. He will be the last person to enter Paradise

The term “mark of prostration” seemingly could also refer to knees, hands and feet. But scholars generally hold that it refers to the forehead, perhaps including part of the face, because of a Sahih Muslim hadith:

The Messenger of Allah said, “Some people will come out of the Fire, having been burned totally except the fronts of their faces, and they will enter Paradise.” (Muslim 191d (472))

Conclusion:

There are two possibilities:

  1. Allah will burn bad Muslims to a crisp—except their foreheads—and then lay them across river banks and pour water on them and have them sprout like seeds.

  2. Muhammad—a sex-slave owner (Zad al-Ma’ad 1/114) who prays against the evil of his clothes (HOTD 360), says Allah gives you 100 points for killing a gecko (HOTD 354), and says ajwa dates cure poisoning while dying of poisoning (HOTD 259)—made it all up.

• HOTD #252: [Sahih al-Bukhari 6573] (https://web.archive.org/web/20181231011445/https://archive.org/stream/SahihAlBukhariVol.317732737EnglishArabic/Sahih%20al-Bukhari%20Vol.%208%20-%205970-6860%20English%20Arabic#page/n305/mode/1up)

HOTD 251: Muhammad says “Allah loves sneezing but dislikes yawning” and yawning "is from Satan.” Satan laughs at you when you yawn

In this divine hadith, Muhammad explains that Allah has hugely differing opinions on two involuntary bodily functions that He created: sneezing and yawning.

Allah loves sneezing and He dislikes yawning (really, the verb kahira is more intense than “dislike”).

This hadith had a big impact on me.

For me, that Allah loves sneezing and hates yawning crossed some unacceptable line of stupidity. Is this why Allah invented dust? Is this why Allah invented seasonal allergies? Since I want to please Allah, how do I sneeze more?

As Muhammad seemingly blames everything on Satan, of course yawning is from Satan too. So when animals yawn, is that also from Satan? And Satan laughs at us when we yawn. Why? Ibn Battal explains:

The Shaitan likes to see a man yawning because it is a state in which his appearance changes so he laughs at him. (Fath al-Bari 10/612)

Ultimately, there always seems to be an ulterior motive to Muhammad’s words and actions. In this case, as there are also hadiths in which Muhammad specifically highlights yawning during prayer (Muslim 2995cTirmidhi 370), Muhammad likely got annoyed with people yawning during prayer and his khutbahs (sermons).

• HOTD #251: [Sahih al-Bukhari 6226] (https://archive.org/stream/SahihAlBukhariVol.317732737EnglishArabic/Sahih%20al-Bukhari%20Vol.%208%20-%205970-6860%20English%20Arabic#page/n136/mode/1up)

HOTD 250: Muhammad says touching a woman is worse than being stabbed in the head with an iron needle

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad says that touching a non-mahram (i.e., a marriageable) woman is worse than being stabbed in the head with an iron needle.

Al-Albani explains:

And in the hadith is a severe warning to one who touches a woman who is not permissible for him. And in it is proof of the prohibition on shaking hands with women, because this no doubt is included in touching.

(Al-Silsilah al-Sahihah 1/448)

Muhammad explicitly says “I do not shake hands with women.” (Nasa’i 4186). He never touches a woman’s hand, except for his slaves of course:

“….And the hand of Allah's Messenger ﷺ did not touch any woman's hand except the hand of that woman his right hand possessed (i.e. his captives or his lady slaves).” (Bukhari 7214)

I find Bukhari 7214 particularly rich, in that Muhammad has no problem enslaving women, but his high moral character won’t allow him to shake a woman’s hand.

Unfortunately, Islamic law is based on the presumption that Muslim men cannot be expected to exert basic self-control.

And that is why every Islamic school of jurisprudence, with no exception, forbids men and women from shaking hands. (Hanbali and Hanafi schools allow it for the elderly.) (Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh 37/359-360)

• HOTD #250: Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Kabir vol. 20 no. 486. Classed sahih by al-Haytami and hasan by al-Albani. See also IslamQA’s Shaking hands with a non-mahram woman.

HOTD 249: Muhammad’s opinion on ☪☮℮✡☥☯✝

And after I expel you from your homeland my land, I will invade your new land and give you the choice to be killed or extorted.

Further wisdom from Muhammad on Coexist:

One of the last things the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said was, “May Allah destroy the Jews and the Christians, for they took the graves of their Prophets as places of worship. Two religions shall NOT COEXIST in the land of the Arabs.” (Muwatta Malik 1617. Classed sahih by al-Albani)

Coexist, indeed.

And some final words from Muhammad:

"Know that the earth belongs to Allah and His Messenger." (Bukhari 3167)

• HOTD #249: Sahih Muslim 1767a (4954)

HOTD 248: Muhammad says angels at his mosque hate the smell of onions—so he bans onion-eaters from mosque. “Coincidentally,” Muhammad hates the smell of onions

Sometimes the charlatanry is so obvious, you have to laugh.

In this case, angels—who Muhammad says are made from an entirely different substance than humans (light vs. dirt: Muslim 2996)—still have the exact same sense of smell as humans and “are offended by the same things that offend humans.”

Mind you, what Muhammad really means is: “angels are offended by the same things that offend Muhammad.”

For instance:

  • Most humans are offended by sex slavery, but not Muhammad’s angels

  • Most humans are not offended by a wife unwilling to have sex one night, but Muhammad’s angels curse such a woman (HOTD 349)

  • Most humans are not offended by dogs or art, but Muhammad’s angels are (Bukhari 3322)

The smelly-onion hadith is particularly affecting to me because it made me understand that Muhammad will lie about anything—no matter how small.

He could have been honest and said, "I don't like the smell of onions and there are surely others like me, so please as a courtesy do not go to the mosque after eating them."

Muhammad takes every opportunity to bolster his prophetic credentials by fabricating stories to support his personal desires.

• HOTD #248: Sahih Muslim 564a (1252). See also all related hadiths (561-567) in Sahih Muslim.

HOTD 247: Muhammad says—if you pray after cleaning your teeth—an angel will put his mouth against yours and directly ingest into his stomach the words you recite from the Quran

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad says if you use a siwak (tooth-stick) before prayer, an angel will be so attracted to your fresh breath that he will place his mouth against yours during prayer.

With his mouth placed against yours, the angel will then ingest into his belly all the words of the Quran you recite. (An Islamic prayer is almost entirely Quran recitation.)

Just absorb that for a moment.

This hadith is similar to HOTD 248 in which Muhammad fabricates an angel story in order to stop Muslims from eating onions before attending mosque.

With his story about mouth-to-mouth resuscitation recitation, an emboldened Muhammad doubles down on the insanity.

• HOTD #247: Musnad al-Bazzar 603. Classed hasan sahih by al-Albani. See also Al-Albani, Al-Silsilah al-Sahihah 1213.

HOTD 246: Muhammad says Allah—who knows everything—will give the Black Stone a mouth and eyes to inform Allah who touched it sincerely

In this awe-inspiring hadith, Muhammad explains that on the Day of Judgment, Allah will give the Black Stone a mouth and eyes. The Black Stone will then testify to Allah as to who touched it with sincerity.

The Black Stone is a piece of rock, perhaps meteorite, used by Pagans as a baetyl (sacred stone) prior to Islam.

Muhammad incorporated the Black Stone into Islam. Notably, he would touch and kiss it while circumambulating the Kaaba—remarkably idolatrous behavior for a professed monotheist (Bukhari 16031611). This practice continues among Muslim pilgrims today.

Over time, the Black Stone broke into pieces, and it is now multiple pieces of rock cemented together. While no official dimensions are given, the Black Stone is perhaps 18 inches long. It is embedded into the eastern corner of the Kaaba, the black cube in the Sacred Mosque in Mecca.

While the concept that Allah will give a tongue and eyes to a rock is the most obvious absurdity here, it is also ridiculous that a rock needs to testify to Allah about anything.

Allah already knows everything. So why does He need to animate a rock to testify to Him about knowledge He already has?

And Muhammad knows best.

• HOTD #246: Jami al-Tirmidhi 961. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 245: Muhammad says jihadis are guaranteed Heaven + they will be resurrected bleeding proudly and profusely—with blood smelling of musk

The hadith makes two key points:

  1. Jihadis, even non-martyrs, are guaranteed Paradise. (Though only martyrs go to Paradise immediately when they die, albeit as green birds. Non-martyrs must wait in their graves for the Day of Judgment.)

  2. Jihadis, on the Day of Judgment, will be resurrected with their wounds still intact, proudly and profusely bleeding, with blood smelling of musk.

Point 1 disturbs me because Muhammad is saying: Trying to kill non-Muslims guarantees Paradise. That is evil.

Point 2 disturbs me because it is a comical glorification of violence, of killing non-Muslims. That Muslims will be resurrected from their tailbones (HOTD 269) with saffron-colored blood “more copious than it ever was”—blood that coincidentally smells like the favorite cologne of 7th century Arab men: musk. That is stupid.

I can imagine Muhammad alive today, telling men that their blood will be more copious than ever, smelling like Hugo Boss.

Sometimes a hadith is evil. Sometimes a hadith is stupid.

And sometimes it is both.

• HOTD #245: Jami al-Tirmidhi 1657. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 244: When you have so much lunacy and hate to express—but only ten Arabic words to do it in

Sometimes I have no words.

• HOTD #244: Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Kabir 11946. Classed sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 243: Muhammad massacres the dogs in Medina

In this disturbing hadith, celebrated dog-hater Muhammad crosses the line from being evil to being a caricature of evil.

Muhammad orders all dogs killed, which his deputies in Medina execute so comprehensively that—Ibn Umar highlights—they even killed the dog of a woman who had come from the desert.

While Muhammad is well known for his hatred of dogs, the specifics of his dog policies were ever-changing. Citing Qadi Ayyad, al-Nawawi writes:

The prohibition (on dogs) originally referred to forbidding keeping any of them. And he then ordered the killing of all of them. Then he forbade killing all except those that are black, and he forbade keeping any dog except one used for hunting, farming or herding livestock. (Al-Nawawi, Sharh Sahih Muslim 10/235)

Muhammad orders the mass killing after speaking with the angel Gabriel:

[The angel Gabriel] said: 'Yes, but we do not enter any house in which there is a dog or an image.' The next morning, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ ordered that all dogs be killed, and he even ordered that dogs kept for (guarding) small gardens be killed, but he left the dogs kept for (guarding) large gardens. (Muslim 2105)

Muhammad later softens his stance, saying that Allah must have some reason for their existence:

"Were it not that dogs are an ummah (nation) among the umam (nations), I would order that they all be killed. So kill every one of them that is all black." (Tirmidhi 1486, classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut)

Muhammad’s final stance on killing dogs is that:

  1. You can kill a vicious dog (Muslim 1200a)

  2. You cannot kill a harmless non-black dog (Tirmidhi 1486 above)

The scholars differ on killing harmless black dogs, in which there is no hadith that clearly abrogates Muhammad's command to kill black dogs, that Muhammad calls "devils." (See HOTD 338)

As “Allah” says Muhammad speaks only from divine inspiration (Quran 53:3-4), divine inspiration is awfully fickle.

• HOTD #243: Sahih Muslim 1570c. See also Musnad Ahmad 6315, classed sahih by Ahmad Shakir and al-Arna’ut. See also IslamQA’s What was narrated on the abrogation of killing dogs and the reason for killing black dogs.

HOTD 242: Muhammad sees attractive woman. Gets horny. Releases sexual frustration on cousin-wife. Calls the attractive woman a devil

“A woman comes in the form of a devil and goes in the form of a devil.”

I have no words.

Well, maybe this: Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

• HOTD #242: Sahih Muslim 1403a (3407)

HOTD 241: Muhammad says when you have a fever caused by witchcraft, the cure is to sprinkle water on yourself for three nights

In this hadith, Muhammad goes full Jahiliyya (Period of Ignorance).

He first acknowledges the power of witches and sorcerers. He then creates a ritual of sprinkling yourself with cold water on three consecutive nights as a cure for the witch's spell.

To believe in Islam, you must also believe in witchcraft. The Quran proclaims the existence of witchcraft/sorcery, perhaps most notably in Quran 113:4 . This verse, in which we ask Allah to be protected “from the evil of sorceresses who blow incantations on knots,” is part of Islam’s important supplication, Al-Muawwadhatain (Suras 113 and 114). (See also HOTD 339)

Demonstrating the significance he places on witchcraft, Muhammad makes practicing witchcraft one of Islam’s seven deadly sins (HOTD 302).

Bottom line: As a Muslim, you must believe in witchcraft.

And if you do not believe that evil witches wield real power by blowing on rope knots (Quran 113:4), then I say, “Welcome to our club.”

• HOTD #241: Al-Hakim, Al-Mustadrak 7438. Classed sahih by al-Hakim and confirmed by al-Dhahabi. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Darani.

HOTD 240: Muhammad says ants—upon being resurrected from the dead—will settle the score with ants who wronged them. Then Allah will obliterate the ants into dust. Non-Muslims will only wish they were so lucky

Wrongdoing ants will:

  1. Be resurrected from the dead

  2. Get their comeuppance

  3. Be obliterated into dust, along with righteous ants

And infidels will wish for the same fate as the obliterated ants, proclaiming, "Would that I were dust!" (Quran 78:40)

Thanks Muhammad. Now I know what Nobel Peace Prize winner Juan Manuel Santos will scream on the Day of Resurrection.

• HOTD #240: Musnad Ahmad 8756. Classed sahih by al-Albani and hasan by al-Arna’utTafsir al-Tabari 24/55. Classed sahih by al-Albani. See also IslamQA’s Settling of scores among the animals on the Day of Resurrection.

HOTD 239: Muhammad asks Allah to curse women who pluck their eyebrows, saying they “change the creation of Allah.” Apparently, mutilating a woman's clitoris is not “changing the creation of Allah”

Three points:

1- Hypocrisy: genital mutilation

It is remarkable that Muhammad forbids eyebrow shaping because it “changes the creation of Allah” but prescribes circumcision, the mutilation of genitalia. If eyebrow hairs are “the creation of Allah,” then certainly the clitoris and foreskin are too.

Regarding FGM, every school of Islamic jurisprudence, with no exception, prescribes FGM. It is either obligatory, as per the Hanbalis and Shafiis, or it is Sunna, as per the Hanafis and Malikis. (See Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh 32/186 and IslamQA fatwa 60314).

2- Hypocrisy: Muhammad dyes his own hair

Muhammad dyes his own hair. He is recorded dyeing his hair yellow khaluq (Nasai 5088HOTD 292), red henna (Bukhari 166) and red-black katam, which in combination with henna is his preferred hair dye (Ibn Majah 3622, 3623).

While “changing the creation of Allah” applies to women who shape their eyebrows, apparently it does not apply to a 60-year-old man dyeing his own hair—trying to look young and hip to wives in their teens and 20's.

3- Pettiness

Muhammad asks that Allah curse women—that Allah deny His blessings and mercy to women—who beautify themselves.

Cursing is a big deal. To me, it is both selfish and evil, and never in my life was I comfortable with it, much less cursing a person over something as petty as shaping eyebrows.

It is also uncomfortable how much of Muhammad’s cursing is focused on women. He curses women who pluck their eyebrows, women who have tattoos, women with hair extensions, women who wail in mourning, women who visit graves, and women who deny their husband sex—even for just one night.

But I have a better curse: “May Allah curse men who take sex slaves, men who abuse the creation of Allah, the Mighty and Sublime.”

And to sum up:

Per Islam, mutilating genitalia is prescribed and shaping eyebrows is forbidden.

• HOTD #239: Sunan al-Nasa’i 5112. Classed hasan sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 238: Muhammad says angels stand at the mosque gate on Friday—papers in hand—taking attendance, recording everyone’s order of arrival. The angels then fold their papers to listen to the sermon

Muhammad has a collection of unearthly carrots and sticks he uses to get Muslims to attend mosque and properly follow the many rituals there.

Muhammad’s story about angels taking attendance—and noting everyone’s order of arrival—is one of my favorites.

It is not just the ridiculousness of the angels hanging out at the mosque gate—papers in hand—that makes me laugh. It is also the thought of the angels sticking around for the dreadful khutba.

I imagine the angels listening to the imam, begging Allah to leave, offering to chase an afreet for Him.

Ahh good times.

• HOTD #238: Sahih al-Bukhari 929

HOTD 237: Stick your fingers in your ears when you hear any music. It's Sunna

So when you’re at the store and there’s background music playing, stick your fingers in your ears while you shop.

It’s Sunna.

• HOTD #237: Musnad Ahmad 4535. Classed sahih by Ahmad Shakir and hasan by al-Arna’ut. See also Tafsir al-Qurtubi 13/121.

See also IslamQA’s Ruling on music, singing and dancing and He loves Islam but he cannot give up classical music.

HOTD 236: Muhammad denies a slave his freedom, saying Allah has no need for a freed slave

In this disturbing hadith, Muhammad stops a man from freeing his slave. Instead, he orders that the slave be sold.

Muhammad learned that the Muslim man has no other property than his Coptic Christian slave, and so he makes the man sell him—despite the man's desire that upon his death the slave be freed—to fill the slaveowner’s presumed worldly needs.

Muhammad’s statement to the slaveowner, while translated correctly in meaning, is more literally rendered as: “You have more right to the price, and Allah is the most self-sufficient.”

Shamsul Haq Azimabadi explains:

”You have more right to the price,” that is, the price of the slave for your need and lack or debt that you have. “And Allah is the most self-sufficient,” that is, about this slave’s emancipation relative to your need.

(Awn al-Ma'bud 10/351)

Muhammad’s quote is chilling.

Per Muhammad, Allah values the wealth of Muslim slavemasters more than the freedom of slaves.

And I know, at the foundation of my very being, that is wrong.

• HOTD #236: Sunan Abu Dawud 3955, 3956. Both hadiths classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

See also HOTD 328: Muhammad angry that dying man freed too many slaves. Stops four of the six slaves from freedom.

HOTD 235: Muhammad says women are the MOST HARMFUL tribulation to men—apparently worse than war

In this deservedly famous, misogynistic hadith, Muhammad proclaims women as the worst fitnah (trial, tribulation) to men.

I am unaware of any authentic hadith suggesting the converse: that men are a fitnah to women.

Muhammad explains further:

Beware of this world and beware of women, for the first fitnah among the Children of Israel had to do with women. (Muslim 2742)

As a funny (to me) aside, the Bukhari 5096 English translation's wording can be read to mean that Muhammad is the worst fitnah to men. A clearer translation would be: “I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women.”

Muhammad teaches: "Whoever memorizes ten verses from the beginning of Surat Al-Kahf will be protected from the fitnah of the Dajjal (Antichrist)" (Abu Dawud 4323).

So while there are Quranic verses powerful enough to protect a man from the fitnah of the Antichrist, apparently there are none powerful enough to protect a man from the fitnah of a woman.

• HOTD #235: Sahih al-Bukhari 5096

HOTD 234: When a narcissist explains who is the “greatest miser”

When I was a boy, I loved reading my Guinness Book of World Records. In it, there was an entry for World’s Greatest Miser.

It was a woman named Hetty Green. She was a multimillionaire from the 1800’s, and she refused to pay doctors 50 cents to treat her son’s dislocated knee. This resulted in gangrene, and her son’s leg had to be amputated. (Note: her biographer disputes this.)

I remember being horrified, thinking it unimaginable anyone could be a greater miser than that.

But thanks to the wise teachings of Muhammad, I learned of an even greater miser than a multimillionaire parent who refuses to pay 50 cents for a child’s medical treatment.

It is the person who hears mention of the sex-slave owning Prophet—may the blessings and peace of Allah be upon him—but then doesn’t send blessings upon him, i.e., most of humanity.

• HOTD #234: Ibn Abi Asim, Kitab al-Salat ala al-Nabi 29. Classed sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 233: Muhammad says you’ll go to Hell for not sending blessings upon Muhammad whenever Muhammad is mentioned

Yesterday’s lesson on the "greatest miser" (HOTD 234) was Part 1 of Muhammad-says-you-must-send-blessings-upon-Muhammad.

Today’s lesson from Gabriel Muhammad is Part 2.

When I think of reasons for going to Hell, forgoing blessings to Muhammad wouldn't even make a top 1,000,000 list.

Muhammad is a man who committed:

  1. Murder (so so many)

  2. Slavery (30+ slaves)

  3. Rape (4 sex slaves)

  4. Child molestation (Aisha)

  5. Thievery (caravan raids)

  6. Extortion (jizya)

  7. Animal brutality (Medina dog massacre)

Singling out blessings for someone who has committed such evil is evil.

And if going to Hell is the price for being good, so be it.

Ameen.

• HOTD #233: Sahih Ibn Hibban 907. Classed hasan sahih by al-Albani and hasan by al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 232: Women’s rights in Islam: You have the right to not be hit in the face

In this glorious hadith, Muhammad details women's rights in Islam.

  1. When the man eats, the wife can eat too

  2. When the man wears clothes, the wife can wear clothes too

  3. To not be hit in the face

  4. To not have ugliness wished upon her

  5. When the man withholds sex, that he neither leave the house nor kick her out of the house

Interestingly, it can be argued that Muhammad violated point 5 when he abandoned his wives by moving to an upper room in his house for a month (Bukhari 24685203).

This occurred after the wives got furious with him when he was caught having sex with his slave Maria in wife Hafsa’s bed—or according to another nonsensical story, for eating honey with his wife Zainab. (See HOTD 268)

In Quran 4:34, Allah establishes a husband’s right to beat his wife if she exhibits nushuz (disobedience). It is consensus among the ulama that, as in the case with beating slaves (HOTD 332), one must avoid hitting the face when beating her.

Women’s rights in Islam: You have the right to not be hit in the face.

• HOTD #232: Sunan Abu Dawud 2142. Classed hasan sahih by al-Albani and hasan by al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 231: Muhammad says on the Day of Resurrection, Allah will trick thirsty Jews and Christians by leading them to a mirage—causing them to fall into Hellfire + Jews worship Ezra

Dear Jews and Christians,

I need to warn you of something. On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will play a cruel trick on you. But don’t fall for it.

You will be sweaty and thirsty (the sun will be only a mile away, maybe even just an inch away Muslim 2864), and you will say to Allah “We are thirsty, O Lord, give us to drink.”

Then Allah will direct you to water—but this is very important—it is actually a mirage! The mirage—where you think there is water—is in fact Hell. If you go to the mirage, you will fall into the Hellfire. Don’t be tricked.

Sincerely, Your brother in humanity


Muhammad also includes in his story the claim that the Jews worship Ezra, who they say is the son of Allah. This is found in Quran 9:30:

The Jews say, "Ezra is the son of Allah"; and the Christians say, "The Messiah is the son of Allah." That is their statement from their mouths; they imitate the saying of those who disbelieved before. May Allah destroy them; how they are deluded!

That Jews believe Ezra is Allah’s son is a claim for which there are no supporting Judaic sources, or any non-Islamic sources. The apologetics for this claim are:

  1. Not all Jews
  2. Then why didn’t the Jews protest this claim

Not all Jews

In both Arabic and English, the default meaning of al-yahoodu "the Jews" is that it refers to all Jews. The Quran is Allah’s eternal and perfect message to all mankind. There can be no ambiguity.

If Allah, who knows that future generations will be reading the Quran, actually meant by al-yahoodu: “A small number of Jews—who do not live in Israel—who do not follow Judaic scripture—who will become extinct—who will leave no record of their beliefs,” then Allah is a terrible writer, which discredits the entire Quran.

Then why didn’t the Jews protest this claim

1- We do not know that Jews didn't protest this claim. All we know is that the Sahaba did not transmit such protests

2- Why should the Jews have to dignify lies with a response? The obligation is not on Jews to protest lies. The obligation is on “Allah” and Muhammad to tell the truth. And based on the plain meaning of Quran 9:30 and Muslim 183a, they lied.

As an aside, Muslim 183a is a very long hadith but is worth reading. It includes a part where Allah hides his identity to the Muslims, but then reveals himself as Allah by showing his shin. It also includes references to HOTD 252 and HOTD 287.

• HOTD #231: Sahih Muslim 183a (454)

HOTD 230: Virgin houris are ashamed when jihadis show cowardice—“So crush the faces of the enemy, and do not let down the wide-eyed houris” + martyrs wear 100 layers of clothes

Companion Yazid bin Shajara delivers world religions' greatest sermon.

I never stop smiling when reading this khutba. Every word is gold.

While this hadith exists in marfu (attributable to Muhammad) form (Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Kabir vol. 22, no. 642), it is daif (weak). The mawquf (attributable to a Companion) form is sahih.

However, it is consensus among the uluma that, as all Companions are adil (upright, just), if a Companion’s statement on religious matters cannot have come through his own reasoning or from Judeo-Christian traditions, then his statement is considered marfu.

So can Ibn Shajara’s words be attributed to Muhammad? Al-Mundhiri writes:

And from Jidar, he also recorded the hadith in marfu form and the sahih version in mawquf form. Though it may be said: Such as this cannot be said as an opinion, and the mawquf path can come to be the marfu path. And Allah knows best. (Al-Targhib wal-Tarhib 2/211)

Interestingly, al-Albani believes only the lovely final sentence, “Swords are the keys to Paradise,” can be classified marfu.

Ultimately, I believe that this hadith addresses specifics of the unseen that can be known only by Muhammad. The hadith is likely, though not certainly, marfu.

• HOTD #230: Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Kabir vol. 22, no. 641. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Mundhiri.

HOTD 229: Muhammad says to not beat your wife like you beat your slave—for you might have sex with her that night + Don’t laugh at farts

Regarding the Perfect Man's wife/slave-beating guidance, I have superior options:

  1. Don't beat your wife and don't beat your slave

  2. Even better, don't beat your wife and don't even own a slave

Regarding Muhammad's second point, I quote the wise words of Louis C.K.:

"You don’t have to be smart to laugh at farts, but you have to be stupid not to."

• HOTD #229: Sahih al-Bukhari 4942

HOTD 228: Muhammad says martyrs want to be killed ten more times because martyrdom (being a green bird) is so awesome

In this glorious hadith celebrating violence against non-Muslims, Muhammad explains the awesomeness of martyrdom.

Being a martyr is so awesome that martyrs want to come back to Earth just to be killed again—ten times! (See also HOTD 290)

This hadith is bothersome in two ways:

  1. It urges and glorifies violence against non-Muslims.

  2. The martyrs—who want to come back and get killed ten more times—are green birds.

As an Islamic martyr, you are assured of one of two scenarios upon death:

A) You will be a green bird in Paradise

Their (the martyrs’) souls are in the crops of green birds, which have lamps hanging from the Throne, and they roam freely wherever they want in Paradise, then they return to those lamps. (Sahih Muslim 1887)

B) You will live in a green tent just outside of Paradise

"The martyrs are on the banks of a river at the gate of Paradise in a green tent, and their provision comes out to them from Paradise morning and evening." (Ahmad 2390. Classed hasan by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.)

The scholars explain that Muhammad’s two descriptions are not contradictory. Al-Sanani writes:

It is not a contradiction because it is possible that there are different categories based on one’s status and award before the onset of the Hour. (Tanwir Sharh al-Jami al-Saghir no. 4939)

Question: Wait a second! What about my 72 virgin houris? What about interceding for 70 relatives? What about wearing my special crown?

Answer: Those awards do not come when you die. While you may get a sneak-peek at the houris, your life with houris comes only after the Day of Resurrection. In the meantime, you will be in period called al-Barzakh, the time between your death and the Day of Resurrection.

And who knows how long that will take? For the Day of Resurrection to occur, a black man has to destroy the Kaba (HOTD 298) and women from an extinct tribe have to move their butts around an extinct idol (HOTD 353).

To sum up:

Per Muhammad, you will want to die ten more times while killing non-Muslims—once you know how awesome being a green bird is.

• HOTD #228: Sahih Muslim 1877a, b (4867, 4868)

HOTD 227: Muhammad says dwellers of Hell are fire-breathing people (similar to Scorpion in Mortal Kombat). Just one of them can incinerate an enormous mosque on Earth

In this hadith, we learn from Muhammad that people in Hell breathe fire like dragons.

r/quityourbullshit

• HOTD #227: Al-Bayhaqi, Al-Ba'th wal-Nushur 603. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Darani.

HOTD 226: Muhammad sells two black slaves—for a more valuable, non-black slave

In this noble hadith, Muhammad is fooled by a non-black, presumably Arab, slave into accepting his oath of allegiance and pledge to emigrate.

The slave’s master comes to retrieve the slave, putting Muhammad in an awkward position. So Muhammad goes into his personal stock of black slaves and trades two to the slavemaster, as black slaves are worth less than white slaves.

And then Muhammad—making sure to never again make the mistake that caused him to lose two slaves—makes sure to question all future pledgers if they are slaves or not.

Al-Sindi writes:

”And in it is the meaning of (the Prophet's ﷺ expression), �?A believer should not be stung from the same hole twice.’”

Sharh Musnad Ahmad 8/144

• HOTD #226: Sahih Muslim 1602 (4113)

HOTD 225: Muhammad says Muslims get white angels and non-Muslims get black angels. And all angels ask the black angels about the non-Muslim: “Who is this evil soul?”

While this comically hateful hadith is quite long, I encourage you to read the entire text, which I include in a separate comment.

In this hadith, Muhammad details everything that happens to Muslims and non-Muslims immediately upon death.

The excerpt in my post covers just a small part of the hadith’s content. Two points from the excerpt:

  1. Muhammad extends racism to the afterlife

  2. Muhammad says angels actively insult non-Muslims

Both of these concepts are bizarre and disturbing. Some of the other details within this hadith will be covered in future HOTDs.

While some aspects of the immediate afterlife are omitted in this hadith (for instance, the names of the two interrogating angels: Munkar and Nakir), if you take the time to read this hadith in its entirety, your knowledge of the Islamic immediate afterlife will be superior to that of most imams I know.

And now we know what the Angel of Death said to deceased Nobel Peace Prize winner Nelson Mandela: "O evil soul, come forth to the wrath of Allah."

• HOTD #225: Musnad Ahmad 18534. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut. An almost complete translation of the hadith can be found in IslamQA’s “What is al-waneesah”.

HOTD 224: To teach a lesson about submitting to a leader, Muhammad highlights mutilated black slaves as the lowest human form

This hadith is a sequel to HOTD 340, in which Muhammad says:

Listen and obey (your chief), even if he is an Ethiopian with a head like a raisin.

In the sequel, the example used is not just black, but a black slave. And not just a black slave, but an ajda black slave. Ajda means mutilated by having body extremities cut off, in particular the nose and ears.

Two points:

  1. Muhammad highlights mutilated black slaves as the lowest human form to serve as a powerful contrast to a leadership archetype

  2. Muhammad includes blackness as a negative trait, to be combined with enslavement and gross mutilation

And that is what makes this hadith even more disturbing to me than the “head like a raisin” hadith—that is, Muhammad specifically includes being black within a collection of distinct, obviously negative traits.

Muhammad’s Arab bias is also found in his preference for freeing Arab slaves. While blacks were obviously disproportionately enslaved compared to Arabs in 7th century Arabia (including by Muhammad himself), Muhammad nevertheless highlights in multiple hadiths the superiority of freeing Arabs. (Bukhari 2543Abu Dawud 5077, note that the term “descendant of Ishmael” means an Arab)

While Muhammad’s clear goal was to have the entire world accept him as a prophet, he nevertheless clumsily exposes his racist, Arab-supremacist nature in multiple hadiths.

IslamQA issued a fatwa on Arab superiority, citing multiple hadiths. Humorously, they deleted the English translation but kept the Arabic original—of an article on Arab superiority. Thankfully, the Wayback Machine makes it live on.

• HOTD #224: Sunan Ibn Majah 2861. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut. See also Sahih Ibn Hibban 4564. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 223: Muhammad curses effeminate men and mannish women—and tells Muslims to kick them out of their houses

Evil words and evil actions...from al-Insan al-Kamil (the Perfect Man).

• HOTD #223: Sahih al-Bukhari 5886

HOTD 222: Muhammad classes runaway slaves in the group of people most condemned

In this glorious hadith affirming slavemaster rights, Muhammad says it is difficult to fathom the wickedness of, and shameful fate that awaits, runaway slaves.

In his first 40 years of life as a pagan, Muhammad did not buy or capture a single slave. With Islam, Muhammad personally took over thirty slaves (Zad al-Ma’ad 1/114-116), including four sex slaves (Zad al-Ma’ad 1/114).

With repeated offensive jihad and resulting war spoils, the entire Muslim ummah amassed significant wealth and slaves. And conveniently, Muhammad expresses it a grave sin for a slave to run away from his master.

In a separate hadith, Muhammad says Allah rejects the prayers of any runaway slave (or of any woman who angers her husband by denying him sex):

"There are three whose Salat would not rise up beyond their ears: The runaway slave until he returns, a woman who spends a night while her husband is angry with her, and a people's Imam whom they dislike."

Jami al-Tirmidhi 360. Classed sahih by al-Arna’ut and hasan by al-Albani.

In Al-Adab al-Mufrad 590, the resulting logical conclusion is straightforward:

  1. Slavery is immoral

  2. Islam condemns those who escape slavery

  3. Therefore Islam is immoral

As an aside: Muhammad, your analogies and metaphors are laughable. Allah’s pride is represented by His rida and His might by His izar ?! Are you kidding me?

• HOTD #222: Al-Bukhari, Al-Adab al-Mufrad 590. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut. See also commentary of al-Sindi in Sharh Musnad Ahmad 14/115.

HOTD 221: Israelites claim Moses has a scrotal hernia. A stone steals a naked Moses’ clothes. A naked Moses chases the thieving stone and beats up the stone. Thus Moses shows he has no scrotal hernia

But you know what kills me about Muhammad’s made-up tale.

It is that the Israelites were more focused on the scrotal hernia than THERE IS AN ANIMATE STONE STEALING CLOTHES!

• HOTD #221: Sahih al-Bukhari 278

HOTD 220: Muhammad says whenever you pass by the grave of a non-Muslim, give him the tidings of Hell

Muhammad’s hate is breathtaking.

Whatever explanation I can write on this hadith will pale to al-Albani’s truthful and hateful commentary, for which I created a separate post: HOTD 220 supplement: Al-Albani’s commentary.

• HOTD #220: Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Kabir 326. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Diya al-Maqdisi. See also IslamQA’s Ruling on Muslims visiting the graves of kaafirs.

HOTD 219: Muhammad says for each enemy you shoot, Allah raises you one degree in Heaven

1 shot enemy = 1 degree higher in Paradise.

Muhammad makes it simple enough for even the dumbest jihadi to understand.

So transparent it's embarrassing.

• HOTD #219: Sahih Ibn Hibban 4615, 4616. Both classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 218: (Theory 1): Master geneticist Muhammad says a child will resemble the parent whose sexual discharge dominates

Muhammad begins with a scientific premise that we now know is false: a woman’s sexual discharge causes her child’s resemblance to her.

We now know that the reason for a child’s resemblance to the mother is because a mother’s egg (not her sexual discharge) contains her DNA (a varied, halved version of it).

Muhammad doesn’t even know that a woman has eggs, much less that eggs have genetic information.

Muhammad then doubles down on his incorrect science by saying that the child will most resemble the parent whose liquid dominates, i.e., is most abundant.

Ibn Hajar explains:

What is meant by uluw “dominance” is the cause of resemblance: according to its abundance, so that the other (liquid) is deluged by it, and thus follows the resemblance. (Fath al-Bari 7/273)

And Muhammad “thus follows the resemblance” to a charlatan.

• HOTD #218: Sahih Muslim 314b (715).

HOTD 217: (Theory 2): Master geneticist Muhammad says a child will resemble the parent whose sexual discharge comes first

Incredible.

And Muhammad says these words come directly from Gabriel, and thus are the words of Allah.

So Muhammad says the Creator of the Universewho has perfect knowledge of geneticsexplains parental resemblance as based on whose sexual discharge comes first.

Allah could have at least explained to Muhammad that women have eggs (and that eggs are not part of sexual discharge). But Muhammad doesn’t even know that.

Ibn al-Qayyim, consistent with this hadith, explains Islamic genetics:

If one of the two liquids precedes the other, this is the cause for the resemblance to the one whose liquid preceded. And the dominance of one of them is the cause for the child to have the gender of the one whose liquid dominated. (Tuhfat al-Mawdud bi-Ahkam al-Mawlud, 278)

Ibn Hajar, as indicated in HOTD 218, believes the opposite of Ibn al-Qayyim. We will see tomorrow how to reconcile the conflicting hadiths.

Science

A woman’s sexual maa “liquid” can be one of two things, or a combination: a) cervical mucus produced in the cervix, or b) arousal fluid produced by the vaginal walls.

Regarding cervical mucus, it is secreted independently of sex. It is based entirely on a woman’s ovulation cycle. Cervical mucus always “precedes” a man’s ejaculation. Regarding arousal fluid, it is used to lubricate the vaginal walls and also “precedes” a man’s ejaculation.

A woman's sexual liquids come first in order to provide the lubrication necessary for the man's eventual discharge of his sexual liquid. Applying this to Muhammad’s theory, children should grossly and disproportionately resemble their mothers.

If Muhammad is simply referring to who orgasms first (which I suspect he is), then children should grossly and disproportionately look like their fathers, because a man’s ejaculation is necessary for conception, where a woman’s orgasm is not.

In all cases, Muhammad is wrong.

I cannot believe how much of my life was wasted believing this s***.

• HOTD #217: Sahih al-Bukhari 3329.

HOTD 216: (Theory 3): Master geneticist Muhammad says a child’s gender is of the parent whose sexual discharge dominates + Jew gets shoved hard + Bulls are slaughtered in Heaven

This hadith offers so much:

1- Thawban shoves a Jew for calling Muhammad “Muhammad” instead of “Messenger of Allah”

Remarkably, Muhammad does not rebuke Thawban for his action. In ulum al-hadith, this is known as Muhammad's taqrir, or tacit approval, of the Companion’s behavior.

2- Fish liver will be the first meal in Paradise

Absolutely not. I do not want fish liver. I want pizza or bastilla. And I want my bastilla made with one of the birds of Paradise that look like fluffy camels (HOTD 300). No chicken or squab.

(Note: While Muslim 315a refers to the poor emigrants who enter Paradise, Bukhari 3329, 3938, and 4480 make clear that this first meal applies broadly to the people of Paradise.)

3. Bulls slaughtered in Paradise will be the second meal

Seriously? Bulls get slaughtered in Paradise?!

4. Muhammad explains gender determination

Muhammad explains that a child’s gender is based on whose sexual discharge dominates. Yes really.

We now know that a child’s gender is based on whether the fertilizing sperm has an X (female) or Y (male) chromosome. It has nothing to do with sexual fluid "dominance."

As gender is determined entirely by the sperm, Muhammad's theory of sexual fluid dominance is nonsensical. A man’s discharge contains an equal number of X- and Y-sperm. A man’s discharge is neither more male nor more female. (If anything, men’s seminal fluid contains more X-sperm.)

A woman’s discharge is obviously neither more male or female. A woman’s discharge, i.e., cervical mucus, is meant to protect and nourish all sperm as the sperm travels through the female reproductive tract.

Bottom line:

Muhammad specifically attributes this knowledge to Allah. It is impossible that the Creator of the Universe—who has a perfect understanding of genetics—would explain gender determination as inaccurately as Muhammad does.

• HOTD #216: Sahih Muslim 315a (716)

HOTD 216-218 supplement: Islam’s Unified Theory of Genetics

There are several hadiths regarding why children resemble their parents and why children are the gender they are.

While Muhammad’s statements contradict genetic science, there are also contradictions between hadiths. The biggest problem is that a sexual fluid's uluw “dominance�? is attributed to both gender (HOTD 216) and resemblance (HOTD 218).

Ibn Hajar reconciles this by stating:

  1. For gender, a sexual fluid’s “dominance�? means its sabq “antecedence�?

  2. For resemblance, a sexual fluid’s “dominance�? means its kathra “abundance�?

Ibn Hajar cites al-Qurtubi and a mawquf hadith of Ibn Masud, compiled by al-Bazzar (I am unable to locate it), in support of this.

Interestingly, while Ibn Hajar allows for a tie in sexual liquid abundance (resemblance), he does not allow for a tie in sexual liquid antecedence (gender), thus rejecting transgender people.

While the hadiths contradict all genetic science, this unified theory is favored by most Islamic scholars, as well as by IslamQA.

• HOTD #216-218 supplement: Ibn Hajar, Fath al-Bari 7/273. See also: IslamQA’s Issues in the origin and creation of the fetus, his being male or female, and his resemblance to his father or mother (Arabic only).

HOTD 215: Muhammad says Israelites raised a dead man from his grave. The dead man complains that they interrupted his prayers

O Muhammad, you can spin quite a tale.

Al-Barzakh (the time between death and the Day of Resurrection) is wondrous indeed.

• HOTD #215: Ibn Abi Dawud, Al-Ba'th 5. Classed sahih by al-Albani. See also Ahmad bin Hanbal, Al-Zuhd 88.

HOTD 214: Muhammad says in Hell, Allah will make non-Muslims huge—with body parts the size of mountains. This is in order to maximize the torture from burning

In this glorious hadith highlighting Allah’s compassion and mercy, Muhammad explains what non-Muslims can expect in Hell.

Muhammad says that a non-Muslim’s body parts will be made the size of various mountains. Uhud, al-Baida, and Werqaan are all mountains.

And the non-Muslim’s skin will be 105 feet thick. This skin thickness is even greater than the height of Muslims in Paradise (90 feet).

To accommodate a non-Muslim’s hugeness, Allah will give a non-Muslim a 100-mile wide seat (and butt?) in the Hellfire, the approximate distance between Medina and al-Rabadhah.

It is consensus among the ulama that the reason for all this is to maximize the torture non-Muslims experience as they burn in Hell.

The more skin to burn, the more pain. (I’m not sure it really works like that. I think you need more pain receptors rather than more surface area).

And Allah is Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim.

• HOTD #214: Al-Hakim, Al-Mustadrak 8759. Classed sahih by al-Hakim and confirmed by al-Dhahabi. Classed sahih by al-Albani. See also commentary in Sharh al-Tibi ala Mishkat al-Masabih, 11/3588.

HOTD 213: Muhammad says about crying women who lost their loved one in jihad: “Go and throw sand in their mouths”

Muhammad, here’s the thing. It is YOUR fault that the Battle of Mu’ta was a disaster. You disastrously underestimated the Byzantine forces.

But fortunately for you, as is usually the case, you didn’t go to your own battle and have to witness the carnage. (I know, I know. Your excuse is unforgettable. HOTD 290)

But then to order your deputy to THROW SAND IN THE MOUTHS of the grieving women because they are crying excessively. You are a monster. Why don’t you actually go to those women who just lost their loved one because of YOUR mistake, and throw sand in the mouths of the crying women yourself.

I'm sure the women will understand their sand-filled mouths if you explain that their excessive crying is a little too Jahiliyya for your taste.

Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I also find Aisha’s comment to be nasty. She is more worried about Muhammad being annoyed than the women who lost their loved one.

Muhammad also tells a story—contradicting everything he has ever taught about the afterlife—that the man is now in Paradise in human form with angel wings replacing his cut-off arms (Tirmidhi 3763Bukhari 3709). (Martyrs are supposed to be green birds in Paradise. Muslim 1887)

While Muhammad frequently contradicts himself, offhand I cannot think of any topic on which he makes more contradictory statements than al-Barzakh (the period between death and the Day of Resurrection).

• HOTD #213: Sahih Muslim 935a (2161).

HOTD 212: Muhammad says deeds are shown to Allah twice daily—no, wait, semiweekly—no, wait, annually…The tragic tale of a prophet who couldn’t get his story straight

While only one of his failings, Muhammad’s endless contradictions particularly resonate with me, as they directly attest to his charlatanry.

It's as if he's just making this up as he goes along, and he can't keep track of what he’s already said—which is a problem faced by all serial liars.

The deeds-presented-to-Allah contradictions are especially bad, and with 1400 years to come up with a defense, the ulama has come up with nothing.

IslamQA’s explanation of this is priceless, and I encourage you to read Fatwa 186418.

IslamQA explains:

Question:

...I am confused: if there is a daily showing throughout the year, then there is no need for the weekly showing which includes the daily showing, and there is also no need for the annual showing which includes both of them. Is this correct?

Answer:

The taking up of deeds and showing them to Allah, may He be exalted, daily, weekly and annually is indicated by the saheeh Sunnah and the words of the scholars …As that is the case, it is not permissible for anyone to question why Allah does something, or to think that anything narrated in a sound text is contrary to wisdom, because that will result in confusion and doubts. Rather what is required is to say as the believers before him said: We hear and we obey. …

But as the question was about the wisdom behind showing deeds to Allah, may He be exalted, every day, then every week, then every year, according to what is proven in the Sunnah, the answer is that Allah knows best about the wisdom behind that, and He has not explained it to us, and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) has not explained it to us. …

“The foot of Islam cannot be steadfast except on the basis of acceptance without questioning and of surrendering”... What is meant is that commitment to Islam cannot be steadfast unless the individual accepts the texts of the Qur’an and Sunnah and submits to them, without questioning them or opposing them on the basis of his opinion, rational thinking and analogy.

Bottom line: Muhammad can’t get his story straight. The ulama can’t come up with anything, and they go into desperation mode by saying that we have to just shut up, not think, and submit.

But the answer is so obvious:

The man who prays against the evil of his clothes (HOTD 360) and says that Allah gives you 100 points for killing a gecko (HOTD 354) is a charlatan.

• HOTD #212: Sahih Muslim 179a (445)Sahih Muslim 2565d (6547). Both classed sahih by Imam Muslim. Sunan al-Nasa’i 2359. Classed hasan by al-Albani.

HOTD 210: Muhammad says Adam saw his penis for the first time after sinning. This startles him, causing him to try to escape from Paradise. But then a talking tree grabs him, foiling his escape

I have no words.

• HOTD #210: Al-Hakim, Al-Mustadrak 3038. Classed sahih by al-Hakim and confirmed by al-Dhahabi.

HOTD 209: Islam: The five ways a woman is half a man—#1: Freeing a slave

This is part 1 in a five-part series: “Islam: the five ways a woman is half a man.”

Ibn al-Qayyim states that there are five ways in which a woman is half a man, which he explains beginning with a discussion of Tirmidhi 1547. He writes:

This indicates that freeing a male slave is superior and that freeing one male slave is equivalent to freeing two female slaves. This is why he ﷺ freed more male slaves. And this is one of the five ways in which a female is equivalent to half of a male.

The second is aqiqah. For the female is one sheep and for the male is two sheep, according to the majority. And there are several sahih and hasan hadiths affirming this. The third is testimony. The testimony of two women equals the testimony of one man. The fourth is inheritance. And the fifth is blood money.

Ibn al-Qayyim, Zad al-Ma’ad 1/154

And Allah helpfully makes the math behind a woman’s inferiority simple enough for even the dumbest man to understand. The equation of divine perfection is: 1 woman = ½ man.

Because Muhammad has the remarkable ability to incorporate evil into even the most wholesome actions—like freeing a slave—he introduces sexism into emancipation.

And then layering onto sexism, Muhammad adds a dose of anti-kafirism by making it clear in the hadith that Allah is rewarding only the freeing of Muslim slaves. Al-Shawkani writes:

One is not entitled to the reward mentioned unless it is a Muslim slave that is freed.

Al-Shawkani, Nayl al-Awtar no. 2592

To Allah, all people are not equal. It is superior to free Muslims. It is superior to free men. And it is superior to free Arabs (Abu Dawud 5077. “The descendants of Isma'il” refers to Arabs).

The hadith also makes it clear that only Muslims get a reward for freeing a slave. Al-Shawkani writes:

In it is evidence that this reward is uniquely for manumitters who are Muslim. There is no reward for the infidel who manumits unless he eventually comes to Islam.

Al-Shawkani, Nayl al-Awtar no. 2592

• HOTD #209: Jami al-Tirmidhi 1547. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 208: Islam: The five ways a woman is half a man—#2: Aqiqah (animal sacrifice for a newborn)

This is part 2 in a five-part series: “Islam: the five ways a woman is half a man.”

Ibn al-Qayyim writes there are “five ways in which a female is equivalent to half of a male.” They are (1) freeing a slave, (2) aqiqah, (3) testimony, (4) inheritance, and (5) blood money. (Zad al-Ma’ad 1/154)

Aqiqah is the slaughtering of an animal, usually a sheep or goat, on behalf of a newborn. For a boy, Allah gets two sheep, and for a girl, Allah gets one sheep.

Aqiqah was a pagan ritual that Muhammad coopted for Islam.

Narrated Abu Buraidah al-Aslami:

During the Period of Ignorance, if a boy was born to one of us, we sacrificed a sheep and smeared his head with its blood. When Allah brought Islam, we would sacrifice a sheep, and we would shave his head, and smear saffron on it. (Abu Dawud 2843. Classed sahih by al-Arna’ut and hasan sahih by al-Albani.)

So why does Allah want sheep sacrificed for Him? Muhammad explains the reason:

Every boy is in pledge for his aqiqah, so slaughter for him on the seventh day, and shave his head, and name him. (Nasa’i 4225. Classed sahih by al-Albani.)

Most scholars state that the expression “in pledge for his aqiqah” means that offering aqiqah allows the child to intercede for his parents if the child dies early. Al-Khattabi, as cited by Ibn Hajar, writes:

People differed in this. The best of what was said was from Ahmad bin Hanbal, who said, “This refers to intercession. If one does not offer aqiqah, were the child to die he could not intercede on behalf of his parents.” (Fath al-Bari 9/594)

This is also supported by words of senior tabi tabi’un (successor of the Successors) Ata al-Khurasani, who was a faqih (jurist) and mufassir (Quran exegete):

Narrated Yahya bin Hamza: I asked Ata al-Khurasani, “What does �?in pledge for his aqiqah’ mean?” He said, “He is denied the intercession of his son.” (Sunan al-Bayhaqi 19266)

Muhammad even performed this remarkably pagan ritual on his own behalf after he became prophet:

Narrated Anas bin Malik that the Prophet ﷺ, “He offered aqiqah for himself after he was made a prophet.” (Al-Tabarani, Al-Mujam al-Awsat 994. Classed sahih by al-Diya al-Maqdisi and hasan by al-Albani.)

So why does Allah want two sheep for a boy and only one sheep for a girl? Ibn al-Qayyim writes:

As for the aqiqah, the commandment of preference (for the boy) is based on the honor of the male and in what Allah distinguished in him from the female—and because through him (the son), the grace upon the father is fuller, and the joy and happiness in him is more complete. The gratitude for him is greater. (Ilam al-Muwaqqin an Rabb al-Alamin 2/115)

Ultimately, aqiqah is a pagan ritual coopted by Muhammad for Islam—premised on Allah wanting His creations (humans) to kill His other creations (sheep, goats) for Him. Women should rejoice that this stupidity is not doubled for them.

tl;dr: Boys make their fathers happier, so we need to kill more sheep for them.

• HOTD #208: Sunan Ibn Majah 3163. Classed sahih by al-Albani and qawi (strong) by al-Arna’ut. See also IslamQA’s What are the rulings on aqeeqah for a baby boy?

HOTD 207: Islam: The five ways a woman is half a man—#3: Testimony

This is part 3 in a five-part series: “Islam: the five ways a woman is half a man.”

Ibn al-Qayyim writes there are “five ways in which a female is equivalent to half of a male.” They are (1) freeing a slave, (2) aqiqah, (3) testimony, (4) inheritance, and (5) blood money. (Zad al-Ma’ad 1/154)

That women’s testimony is worth half that of a man is found in Quran 2:282:

“…And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can remind her…”

It should be noted that 2:282 is referring to contracts, not matters related to hadd and qisas punishments, for which a woman’s testimony is disallowed.

In discussing 2:282, Ibn Hajar, quoting Ibn al-Mundhir, writes:

The scholars unanimously agreed on the meaning of this verse, and they permitted the testimony of the women with the men. The majority allowed it in matters of debt and finances and said: we do not allow their testimony in matters of hadd (prescribed) punishments and qisas (retaliatory) punishments. And they differed in matters of marriage, divorce, lineage, and al-wala. The majority disallowed them (women), and the Kufis (i.e., Hanafis) allowed them. (Fath al-Bari 5/266)

As indicated above, every school of Islamic jurisprudence:

  1. Disallows a woman’s testimony on hadd and qisas punishments (murder, adultery, alcohol, etc.)

  2. Allows a woman’s testimony—at half the value of a man’s testimony—in the case of financial matters

Most matters require two witnesses, except for adultery, which requires four witnesses.

And why is a woman’s testimony worth half the testimony of a man? Muhammad explains in the hadith:

This is because of the deficiency of a women’s mind.

Ibn al-Qayyim elaborates:

The All-Mighty, the All-Wise indicated in his Book that women are weak-minded and cannot keep what they memorize. And Allah has favored men over women in reason, understanding, memory, and discernment. (Ilam al-Muwaqqin an Rabb al-Alamin 2/114)

• HOTD #207: Sahih al-Bukhari 2658

HOTD 206: Islam: The five ways a woman is half a man—#4: Inheritance

This is part 4 in a five-part series: “Islam: the five ways a woman is half a man.”

Ibn al-Qayyim writes, there are “five ways in which a female is equivalent to half of a male.” They are (1) freeing a slave, (2) aqiqah, (3) testimony, (4) inheritance, and (5) blood money. (Zad al-Ma’ad 1/154)

The calculation of inheritance comes from three Quranic verses: 4:11-12 and 4:176.

Ibn al-Qayyim explains why women receive half:

As for inheritance, the wisdom of preference (for the male) is obvious. The male is in greater need of the money than the female because men are supporting women. And the male is more beneficial than a female to the deceased while he is alive.

Ibn al-Qayyim, Ilam al-Muwaqqin an Rabb al-Alamin 2/115

Several points:

1- Inheritance is a one-time benefit, independent of who is working to financially support the family. A woman can use inheritance for the benefit of her spouse and family just as capably as a man can.

2- The rules are excessively rigid and do not adapt to the unique circumstances of each family.

3- It is bizarrely unfair. Imagine a wealthy parent who dies, leaving only a married son and a married daughter, both wanting to start their own families. It is illogical that the son gets double the wealth of the daughter. The most equitable scenario would be that the son and daughter receive the same amount and both new families equally benefit.

4- Half-a-man does not make sense for spousal inheritance because the widow typically has no source of income. As a very simple example, imagine a married couple, 50 years old, with no kids. The wife receives only 25% from her deceased husband, but the husband receives 50% from his deceased wife.

If anything, the wife should receive a HIGHER share, especially in an Islamic society, because: 1) her employment prospects are poor, and 2) her prospects of getting remarried—and thus financially supported—in her 50's are poor. She likely will have to fend the rest of her life with no income.

5- Given Ibn al-Qayyim's logic, the premise must be that the woman does not earn income. If a woman earns income, as plenty of Muslim women do, then she should receive more than half of a man. In fact, if a woman earns similar income to her husband and still does the bulk of the housework, she deserves more than the man.

6- The last point made by Ibn al-Qayyim--"And the male is more beneficial than a female to the deceased while he is alive"--is particularly dubious. I do not feel that my son has been “more beneficial” to me than my daughter, and that certainly should not be justification for me giving my son double the inheritance of my daughter.

Bottom line, "Allah's” one-size-fits-all inheritance rules poorly adapt to the unique circumstances of every family—and are sexist to boot.

Despite all that, it is not the inequity of inheritance that bothers me the most about Islamic inheritance. Rather, it is this: Quran's Mathematical Errors in Inheritance.

• HOTD #206: Sahih al-Bukhari 2747

Quran’s Mathematical Errors in Inheritance

Allah’s rules of inheritance are laid out in Quran 4:11-12 and 4:176.

It is difficult to overstate how poorly written and poorly thought out these verses are.

When reading them, I feel that I am actually entering Muhammad’s overwhelmed mind, in which he is trying to come up with verses that can account for multiple scenarios (multiple siblings, multiple children, etc.), but that Muhammad is in way over his head and can't pull it off.

4:11 even starts out badly with Allah incorrectly using the phrase “more than two” when He must mean “two or more.”

But the greatest problem with Allah’s inheritance rules is that they result in multiple situations in which the total of the inheritance pie adds up to more than 100%. It is an extraordinary mathematical error by the Creator of the Universe.

Example 1:

A deceased man leaves behind a wife, two daughters, a mother and father. The wife receives ⅛. The two daughters share ⅔. The mother and father each get ⅙. Per the Quran’s math, the total combined is 1 ⅛. Oops.

(The comparative Sunni and Shia adjustments can be found at “Al-Awl,” al-islam.org)

Example 2:

A deceased woman leaves behind a husband and two sisters. The husband receives ½ and the sisters share ⅔. Per the Quran’s math, the total is 1 ⅙. Oops.

(The comparative Sunni and Shia adjustments can be found in Shabaz Ahmad Cheema, Shia and Sunni Laws of Inheritance: A Comparative Analysis, 77-78)

For fun, go to www.inheritancecalculator.net, a Sunni inheritance calculator, and type those two scenarios in. You will receive the message: “Total shares have exceeded 100%. Shares need to be reduced proportionally,” and the website does so through a process called awl. The problem is that nowhere does the Quran or Muhammad say to “reduce proportionally.” It is simply a method developed by humans to fix the mathematical error.

But Shia jurisprudence rejects awl, and solves the mathematical error differently, which highlights that there is no clear prescription on how to solve the Quran’s mathematical error.

In Islam, the Creator of Two Trillion Galaxies can’t add fractions.

• Supplement to HOTD 206

HOTD 205: Islam: The five ways a woman is half a man—#5: Blood money

This is part 5 in a five-part series: “Islam: the five ways a woman is half a man.”

Ibn al-Qayyim writes there are “five ways in which a female is equivalent to half of a male.” They are (1) freeing a slave, (2) aqiqah, (3) testimony, (4) inheritance, and (5) blood money. (Zad al-Ma’ad 1/154)

Diya (blood money) is monetary compensation for injuries or death. The victim or victim’s family may take blood money in lieu of qisas (retaliation in kind).

Every school of Islamic jurisprudence, with no exception, compensates a woman’s injuries and death at half the rate for a man (with some variations for less severe injuries, for which men and women may be compensated equally).

There are two marfu hadiths (narrations of Muhammad) used to support a woman’s blood money being half that of a man. But both are daif weak (Sunan al-Nasa’i 4809Sunan al-Bayhaqi 16305).

However, there are sahih hadiths narrated by the caliphs Umar and Ali that state the same. And as Muhammad commands:

Whoever among you lives after I am gone…must adhere to my Sunna and the Sunna of the Rightly Guided Caliphs.

Sunan Abu Dawud 4607. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arnaut.

And why should a woman’s injuries and death be compensated at half the rate of men? Ibn al-Qayyim explains:

As for blood money, it is because the woman is inferior to the man, and he is more useful than her, and he can be appointed to positions that cannot be filled by a woman in affairs of religion, state, border protection, jihad, land development—and in the fields needed to benefit the industries of the world, and in the defense of land and religion.

Ibn al-Qayyim, Ilam al-Muwaqqin an Rabb al-Alamin 2/114

And so Shariah states that if a man is killed, his family is owed the value of 100 camels. But if a woman is killed, her family is owed the value of 50 camels.

And this completes the five-part series. So while Muhammad's Allah can't add fractions, He can create an equation of divine perfection: 1 woman = 1/2 man.

• HOTD #205: Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 28049Sunan al-Bayhaqi 16308. See also Musannaf Ibn Abi Shaybah 28051, in which senior Sahib Ibn Masud states that blood money is half for a woman. All three hadiths classed sahih by al-Albani.

HOTD 204: Muhammad says people in Heaven have a weekly Friday gathering with Allah where Allah gives extra food & drink and clothes + Virgin houris live in rooms made of green emeralds and red rubies

In this awe-inspiring hadith, the angel Gabriel explains to Muhammad what will happen every Friday in Paradise after the Day of Resurrection.

First, in Paradise, Friday will be called Yawm al-Mazeed (Day of More), which is a reference to Quran 50:35:

There they will have all that they desire, and We have more.

On Fridays, the people of Paradise will gather in a lush valley that smells of musk. The prophets and martyrs will get the best seats. The virgin houris will also make an appearance. Then Allah will give everyone extra food & drink, clothes and perfume—all laughably earth-centric items.

After everyone gets their stuff, Allah dismisses them and they return to their Paradise dwellings. And the virgin houris return to their chambers made of green emeralds and red rubies.

I love to laugh.

• HOTD #204: Musnad Abu Ya'la 4228. Classed sahih by al-Darani and hasan by al-Wadi’i.

HOTD 203: Muhammad explains how Islam is the Religion of Peace and only defensive jihad is allowed (/s)

While I have seen no fatwa on the matter, I believe most, if not all, fuqaha (Islamic jurists) would extend Muhammad’s command of practicing archery to modern weaponry.

The purpose of archery in this hadith is to kill the kuffar and expand Islamic rule. These goals naturally extend to modern weaponry.

• HOTD #203: Sahih Muslim 1918a (4947)

HOTD 202: Muhammad quotes Allah’s exact words—“A guarantee from Me”—promising war booty or Paradise to all jihadis

So first, what is jihad? Muhammad answers the question:

…He asked, “What is jihad?” He said, “That you fight (qatil, really, 'try to kill') the infidels when you encounter them.” He asked, “Which jihad is best?” He said, “The one whose horse is slain while his blood is shed.”…

Musnad Ahmad 17027. Classed sahih by al-Arna’ut.

So in today’s hadith, Allah gives his personal guarantee to all mujahideen, i.e., jihadis. Allah says if you fight in jihad, you will either:

  1. Die. Go to Paradise

  2. Live. Get war booty

  3. Live. If no war booty available, then extra reward in Paradise (e.g., more virgin houris, nicer house, nicer clothes, live closer to Allah, etc.)

Yes, Muhammad, I know, I know. Killing non-Muslims is the greatest thing in the world.

But Muhammad, be careful. If you are lying—which you are—then you really better hope there is no Allah, because I can’t imagine anything that will piss Him off more than falsely QUOTING Him to kill His creations in His name.

Oh wait, that’s your Quran too.

• HOTD #202: Jami al-Tirmidhi 1620. Classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.

HOTD 201: Muhammad says if you keep a horse for jihad, Allah will reward you every time your jihadi horse defecates

O the magical world of hasanaat.

Allah evaluates people on a point system in which Muslims try to accumulate as many hasanaat (good deed points) and avoid sayi’aat (bad deed points). A typical good deed gives you ten points. Certain good deeds give you more, such as killing a gecko on the first try, which gives you 100 points (HOTD 354).

There are also special multipliers for good deeds undertaken at a certain time or place. For instance, Allah applies a 30,000 multiplier to good deeds done on the Night of al-Qadr (Quran 97:3) and a 100,000+ multiplier on prayers done within the Holy Mosque in Mecca (Ibn Majah 1406). (Imagine praying in the Holy Mosque on the Night of al-Qadr!)

In today’s hadith, Muhammad explains that you are also rewarded for every time your jihadi horse defecates or urinates. A similar hadith explains:

Narrated Abu Hurairah:

The Messenger of Allah said, "Whoever keeps a horse for the Cause of Allah out of faith in Allah and believing the promise of Allah, its feed, water, urine and dung will all count as hasanaat in the balance of his deeds."

Sunan al-Nasa’i 3612. Classed sahih by al-Albani.

Sometimes Muhammad is really cringy in how he oversells his product.

• HOTD #201: Sahih al-Bukhari 2853. See also Sunan Ibn Majah 2788, classed sahih by al-Albani and al-Arna’ut.