Today I regret
My friend was swearing by Allah, as he wanted me to believe that Love had him in its grip and that he was powerless to resist.
While I was abusing him and telling him not to swear by Allah for his HARAM Love.
But he kept on swearing, while I threatened him that either his love would end, or our friendship would end.
And his LOVER was himself unaware of my friend's love. He perhaps didn't even know about the existence of my friend. It was completely a one-sided love.
Still my friend was thinking only about him.
And then he made the further mistake of trusting a religious person like me to be his friend and told me about his love
Alas, why was I unable to feel his loneliness? And I made him even lonelier.
Now I feel as if I killed him alive. He didn't tell anyone else after me.
I saw him falling ill in love. I saw him being admitted to the hospital.
Still, I felt no sympathy for him. I didn't even visit him.
Perhaps, pity did stir inside, but my religious devoutness took hold of me. And my humanity, it did hide.
When doctors didn't understand the illness, they recommended sending him to another place for a change.
His family first sent him to another city to the relatives. After some time, I heard he went to Canada.
But I am standing here today along with my regrets.
But perhaps not.
Today when I don't feel disgusted any more when I see these loving birds, and when best wishes automatically come out of my heart for them,
then I feel as if my regrets are perhaps being washed away,
But tears still come to my eyes
I perhaps unburdened my heart from regrets, but I didn't unburden the heart of my friend when he needed me the most.
***
Lesson:
Even after leaving Islam and becoming an atheist, still I was unable to get rid of my disgust against homosexuality. It was due to religious brainwashing, where they tell stories like homosexuality is as bad as doing sex with your mother and sister etc.
I read a lot and even became fully convinced that homosexuality is not a choice, still that disgust didn't go away.
It took a few more years before I succeeded in getting rid of that disgust, which was the result of religious brainwashing since my childhood.
Due to this disgust, many ex-Muslims find it difficult to drink or eat pork (or even to eat non-Halal chicken meat).
Perhaps it is the same as if atheists in Western countries may find it difficult to eat the meat of snakes or cockroaches etc.
I learnt one important lesson. Don't let religious people BRAINWASH the kids for the sake of humanity.
Hassan Radwan
