Changes in Sex Life After Leaving Islam

As a Muslim, sex life is constantly disturbed due to the combination of the following 2 obligations:

1. The obligation to perform five daily prayers.
2. The obligation of taking a bath after sex (and you cannot offer any of your obligatory 5 prayers without taking a bath).

These two elements work in conjunction, significantly influencing sexual life.

Upon leaving Islam, the most significant relief came from shedding the burden of performing five daily prayers. Islamic prayer felt like a constant responsibility that occupied the mind. Until this duty was fulfilled, I couldn't attain relaxation, hindering my focus on other aspects of life, be it studying, working, or simply enjoying life.

While Muslims may claim a sense of calm and relaxation after offering prayers, they might not realize that the prayer itself imposes a burden and responsibility. The relief they feel post-prayer is simply the removal of this self-imposed mental tension which is a result of the feeling of fulfilling the duty. Without the obligation of prayers, individuals naturally experience freedom from tension and automatic relaxation.

Regarding the practice of "full body washing" after sex, it's worth noting that Muhammad adopted this from the Jews (Source), similar to various other practices he incorporated from Jewish traditions.

Note:

Please be aware of the distinction between "wadhu" and "full body washing." While "wadhu" suffices for regular prayers, engaging in sexual activity leads to a state of severe impurity, requiring a "full body wash" before being allowed to pray.

Hence, if you decide to engage in intimacy:

1. You still grapple with mental tension, having to calculate prayer timings to ensure they don't coincide with your intimate moments.

2. The added stress of not only scheduling prayer times but also planning a "Bathing Time" before prayer.

3. During winter, an additional calculation is needed to warm the water for bathing.

4. Women, especially those with long hair, face challenges with the full-body bath, as they must wash their hair every time they engage in intimate activities. This adds significant difficulty to the lives of such women due to these Islamic regulations.

5. The concern extends to clothing, as individuals need to plan what to wear after intimacy, sometimes requiring ironing before engaging in such activities, followed by an immediate visit to the mosque for congregational prayer.

6. Not only is your soul considered impure, but your body, clothes, bed sheets, and blankets are also deemed impure, necessitating their washing. Sperm and female sexual discharges are viewed as repulsive, akin to urine and faeces, in the minds of religious Muslims.

Brief time intervals between Noon/Afternoon/Evening/Night Prayers:

Another challenge arises from the brief breaks between noon, afternoon, evening, and night prayers. If you desire intimacy during this period (noon till evening), you are almost always juggling prayer timings, bathing, and clothing concerns.

For many individuals, sexual FULFILLMENT isn't achieved through a single ejaculation. Instead, satisfaction is derived from the entire lovemaking process, which typically unfolds as follows:

1. Engaging in foreplay.

2. For most men, the initial ejaculation is a brief affair lasting only a few seconds to a few minutes.

3. Relishing a period of rest or sleeping unclothed with one's partner. Many women desire to remain in their partner's embrace as a gesture of love.

4. Preparing for the second round of intimacy, which tends to last longer than the first and often culminates in sexual SATISFACTION.

5. For those in their youth, the desire for multiple additional rounds of intimacy may be common.

Morning Prayer:

A grave injustice is done when it comes to "morning sex," which many men consider a significant blessing.

During the summer season, the morning prayer is between 3 am to 5 am (depending on the country you are residing in). It heavily disturbs both your sleep and sex life. 

After offering the morning prayer at the mosque, it becomes challenging for the desire for intimacy to resurface. Firstly, there is the pressure of getting to the office on time, and secondly, the need to allocate time for a bath (as one cannot offer the noon prayer at work while in a state of impurity).

Winter exacerbates the difficulty, particularly with the prospect of bathing in cold water (unless considerable time is invested in warming the water before the bath).

Morning intimacy poses a particular challenge for working women, and the difficulty is heightened if they have long hair. The idea of voluntarily taking a cold bath on a winter morning before heading to the office is inconceivable, as it risks falling ill.

Night Prayer:

You have enough time to make love after the night prayer though.

However, it is not without its challenges. Not all men are equally active sexually during the night to engage in the complete cycle of intimacy. Some desire one round of love at night and then a 2nd or 3rd round in the morning. Yet, achieving this can be difficult for Muslims, as both partners are compelled to take a full-body bath at night. Failing to do so means they must bathe with cold water early in the morning before Fajr (the morning prayer).

Weekend Intimacy:

Per a friend's account, his wife tends to discourage intimacy throughout the week but expresses readiness for lovemaking during the weekends. However, this comes with a unique condition – she applies half a liter of coconut oil to her hair. She then informs her husband:

"In English: Listen, Darling, if you wish to make love, then come now; otherwise, I am going to take a bath in half an hour."

(Note: The couple is originally from the Indian Subcontinent, where it's common for women to use a significant amount of hair oil for hair care. However, this excessive use of hair oil can be a deterrent for their partners' desire for intimacy.)

Once she completes her bath, a "No Entry" sign goes up, although the wife appears even more charming and attractive after taking a bath and with her beautifully done hair.

Lesson:

It is good to take a bath after sex, but if your partner has taken a bath and made herself neat and clean before the sex, then certainly it is more important than taking a bath afterwards.  

Note:

Actually, it is not only the sex but also the "nightfall" which brings you to a state of severe impurity according to Islam. And young boys normally have no courage to ask their mothers to make them water warm during the night or early in the morning before the morning prayer. 

Actually, everyone came to know about the "nightfall" if I tried to take a bath before the morning prayer. Therefore, I went to the bathroom secretly even much before the morning prayer and took a bath with even cold water. Still my family came to know about my nightfall as the bathroom was wet due to the bath. 

Masturbation brings you into a state of impurity too, and you need to take a whole body bath. Perhaps 99% of Muslims indulge in the practice of masturbation too, despite it's been not allowed. 

Religious Constraints Impact Marital Satisfaction:

I wonder whether individuals adhering to religious beliefs can adequately prioritize the needs and contentment of their spouses.

Sexuality often carries a stigma among the religious, deeming it impure. Practices like oral sex are strongly discouraged due to the perceived impurity associated with male and female discharges.

Open communication about sexual matters is hindered by notions of modesty within religious communities. Discussing such topics openly with one's partner is considered contrary to these modesty norms.

Religious guidelines, such as reciting a prayer (DUA) to Allah before engaging in sexual activities, further divert one's focus and concentration during intimate moments with their spouse.

Lesson:

One can confidently assert that a considerable transformation occurred in the realm of sexual experiences after embracing irreligiosity. Unexplored dimensions in one's sex life emerged, previously unknown to the individual as a religious person. A mind liberated from tension and stress can truly savor and enhance the experience of intimacy.

Islamic apologists: But Prophet Muhammad used to easily have sex with all his wives in one night

Answer:

The era of Muhammad was different from our era.

During Muhammad's time, there were no office obligations or early morning work hours. He enjoyed the luxury of a leisurely day with ample time for both intimate relations and bathing. Additionally, people in that era typically retired to bed early, directly after the Isha prayer, giving them sufficient rest until the morning prayer.

Contrastingly, today's working hours are longer, and people retire to bed much later, around 10 pm or even later. Engaging in intimate activities after 10 pm can lead to inadequate sleep, especially when there's an early morning commitment to prayer/sex (or both) as well as taking a bath after it.

Muhammad's practice of bathing early in the morning raises questions about the feasibility of all his wives doing the same without complaints (especially when there were no attached bathrooms in that era and many women had to go to public Hamams in the middle of the night to take a bath).

Women today find it challenging to adhere to such a routine, particularly in winter when warming water becomes an additional task. Furthermore, Muhammad's wives didn't have professional commitments after the morning prayer, while contemporary women often have work or academic responsibilities.

Warm water may be available in winter today, but only in big cities. Poor families and those living in villages and remote areas, still don't have such luxury. 

Islamic Apologists: No need to change the clothes as 'Aisha used to scrap the semen from garments with her nails

Islamic apologists argue that there's no need to change clothes after semen stains, citing the example of 'Aisha, who supposedly scraped semen from garments with her nails (Sahih Hadith).

However, personally, dealing with semen-stained clothes became impractical due to the general disgust Muslims feel toward semen as a significant impurity. While Islam provides two methods for purifying clothes – washing in water and removing dry semen with nails, the latter proved challenging in practice.

Attempts to rid clothes of dry semen using nails were largely unsuccessful. Despite broken nails, the task was nearly impossible, leading to the clothes being rendered unusable. The alternative was washing them with water.

Reflecting on the Sahih Hadith where 'Aisha supposedly employed this method, it raises questions about the feasibility of the process. One wonders how 'Aisha managed to accomplish it successfully.

PS:

I wonder how Muhammad asked 'Aisha to do it for him (i.e. to scratch his semen from his garments). I personally never got the courage to ask my wife for this service. I would have not allowed her to do this even if she was ready to do it. The reason is simple semen was a disgusting thing for me when I was a Muslim. I was compelled to do it for the first time when I had no other clothes and water and had to offer the prayer at the right time. Thus, I tried to remove the semen with my nails but failed miserably.