This is a highly deceptive (yet unfortunately, very effective) strategy used by Islamists to mislead innocent girls. By keeping them unaware of the darker aspects of the Islamic system, they create the illusion that there might be some profound, spiritual, or logical justification (حکمة) for Islam's clear human rights abuses against women, which are said to be beyond their understanding due to supposed intellectual deficiencies.

Please be especially wary of the seemingly attractive depiction of Islamic polygamy by Islamists. Islamic polygamy can be extremely dangerous and risky, with many hidden pitfalls that could bring misery into your life.

For instance, one Islamist Dawah woman described Islamic polygamy in these glowing terms:

  1. I have a "sister wife" (i.e. co-wife) who can help me & my husband build a legacy together.
  2. The "sister wife" can act as a mediator in the situation.
  3. A woman who has multiple husbands tends to be more masculine than the men or the men tend to be more feminine & she prefers a masculine man.
  4. I think it's beautiful
  5. The best way to deal with jealousy is to communicate.
  6. I want 7 or more children so I would need extra help with the children & the house.
  7. It's permitted in Islam.
  8. I want to build a community.
  9. There are widows, single mothers, & single women who need a good man & can't find one.
  10. What I may not offer, the other woman can offer. The "sister wife" could be better at something, that I am not so good at.

 

Response:

Polygamy and polyandry aren't problematic if all parties involved consent, but the issue lies within Islam itself.

Here is a list of the harmful consequences that women face due to Islam's system of polygamy:

  • Gender-Based Discrimination: Islam allows men to have multiple wives, but it strictly prohibits polyandry, even with mutual consent.

  • Lack of Consent for Additional Wives: Men can marry additional wives without requiring permission from their existing spouse(s).

  • Restricted Divorce Rights for Women: In Islam, only men have the right to initiate divorce, while women often face significant barriers, even in cases of abuse or dissatisfaction. Although women can technically seek Khul' (خلع), it is ultimately the husband's decision to accept or refuse it. If he refuses, the woman may remain trapped in the marriage without any legal recourse.

  • Khul' Misconceptions: There's a common misconception that women have the right to Khul', but this is not aligned with the original Sharia law, where it remains a privilege of the husband. Some modern Muslim countries may allow women to seek divorce through Khul', but this is seen as a deviation from traditional Islamic rulings and is considered Bid'ah (Innovation). For more information and supporting evidence, refer here.

  • Unlimited Slave Girls without even Necessity: Islam also allows a man to take dozens of slave girls, even without any necessity. Yes, he only has to be a rich person, then he can buy dozens of slave girls only for fulfilling his lust by raping them against their consent. Then Islam also allows a man to rape slave girls in TEMPORARY sexual relationships (just like Shia Mut'ah). This means, when a man has already fulfilled his lust, then he can simply sell the slave girls and buy for himself dozens of new slave girls from Islamic Bazaars of Slavery and start raping them. Islam also allows men to mutually SWAP their slave girls and rape them in a temporary sexual relationship. Islam also allows an owner, if he gets lust of slave wife of any of his slaves, then he can separate them, and take the slave wife for himself. And then he can return her to her slave husband after fulfilling his lust. Please read all these Islamic Rulings here with proof: The Crimes of Islamic Slavery against Humanity

 

Jealousy, Abusing, Fighting and Power Dynamics:

It is believed the wives of Muhammad were the best women. Still there were power dynamics and they were even jealous, abusing and fighting each other. Please read:

  • Zainab and Aisha ABUSING each other: [Sahih Bukhari: Hadith 2581: Narrated `Urwa from `Aisha: The wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) were in two groups. One group consisted of `Aisha, Hafsa, Safiyya and Sauda; and the other group consisted of Um Salama and the other wives of Allah's Messenger (ﷺ)..... On that she raised her voice and abused `Aisha to her face so much so that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) looked at `Aisha to see whether she would retort. `Aisha started replying to Zainab till she silenced her.]

  • Hamnah (the sister of Zainab) slandered 'Aisha in the Ifk Incident: [Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2581: ... ('Aisha said) Zainab's sister, Hamna, kept on fighting on her (i.e. Zainab's) behalf so she was destroyed as were those who invented and spread the slander (against me in the incident of Ifk). 

  • 'Aisha got upset with Muhammad for taking additional wives and even doubting his prophethood and the Revelation: 

    [Sahih Bukhari, 5113: Khaula bint Hakim was one of those ladies who presented themselves to the Prophet for marriage. `Aisha said, "Doesn't a lady feel ashamed for presenting herself to a man?" But when the Verse: "(O Muhammad) You may postpone (the turn of) any of them (your wives) that you please,' (33.51) was revealed, " `Aisha said, 'O Allah's Messenger! I do not see, but this, that your Lord hurries in pleasing you (by sending revelations quickly on the spot)' "

  • 'Aisha was upset with Muhammad for desiring Juwayriyyah: 

    [Sunan Abi Dawud: ... She (i.e. Juwayriyyah was a very beautiful woman, most attractive to the eye. Aisha said: She then came to the Messenger of Allah asking him for the purchase of her freedom. When she was standing at the door, I looked at her with disapproval. I realised that the Messenger of Allah would look at her in the same way that I had looked (i.e. Muhammad would desire for her and then indeed Muhammad married her by spending money on her manumission)]

  • Mariyah's Incident: One day, Muhammad asked Hafsa to visit her father. With Hafsa away, Muhammad took advantage of the opportunity and had intimate relations with Mariyah in her room. However, Hafsa returned unexpectedly and caught her husband in the act with Mariyah in her bed, causing her great distress. She loudly expressed her anger and disbelief that Muhammad could send her to her father's house in order to have intimate relations with Mariyah (although it was the turn of Hafsa). In response, Muhammad tried to appease her by taking an oath to never touch Mariyah again and begged her to keep the matter private. However, Hafsa could not contain herself and shared the incident with Aisha. When 'Aisha further told others and all of his wives became aware of how Muhammad was having sex with the concubine Mariyah, while it was the turn of Hafsa, Muhammad became furious. As a result, Muhammad decided to abstain from going to his wives for a period of one month as a form of punishment. And he also found a way to break his oath and got to slave girl Mariyah during this period. Thus, he claimed the revelation of the following verse:

Verse 66:1-5:

O Prophet, why do you prohibit [yourself from] what Allah has made lawful for you, seeking the approval of your wives? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful. Allah has already ordained for you  the dissolution of your oaths (i.e. making the way clear for Muhammad to go to Mariyah).  And Allah is your protector, and He is the Knowing, the Wise. And [remember] when the Prophet confided to one of his wives (Hafsah) a statement; and when she informed [another i.e. 'Aishah] of it and Allah showed it to him, he made known part of it and ignored a part. And when he informed her about it, she said, "Who told you this?" He said, "I was informed by the Knowing, the Acquainted." If you two [wives] repent to Allah, [it is best], for your hearts have deviated. But if you cooperate against him - then indeed Allah is his protector, and Gabriel and the righteous of the believers and the angels, moreover, are [his] assistants. Perhaps his Lord, if he divorced you [all], would substitute for him wives better than you - submitting [to Allah], believing, devoutly obedient, repentant, worshipping, and traveling - [ones] previously married and virgins.

Islamic polygamy is a risky GAMBLE for a poor woman. She does not know what type of co-wives she will get. 

 

Not masculine men, but only Rich (mostly Old) men can practice polygamy in the Islamic System:

If she desires to have seven children, then this becomes feasible only if her husband is financially affluent enough to support such a large family, including providing for children from other wives, or else would she expect the other wives to remain childless?

Consequently, to adequately support seven children and provide them with both financial security and paternal care, a woman would require multiple husbands. Otherwise, a single father, burdened with multiple wives, slave girls, and children, while also laboring to sustain them all, would scarcely have the time to bestow fatherly love and attention upon his children.

Even if we entertain the claims of Islamist apologists, suggesting that women may not require as much intimacy as men do, it remains true that women desire and deserve more TIME, ATTENTION, and AFFECTION. However, Islamic polygamy fails to provide exactly these 3 things, given the presence of multiple co-wives and numerous slave girls. This situation can deteriorate to the point where a husband might visit his wife only once every four months, yet she would be unable to seek divorce due to the constraints of the Islamic marital system. Once married to such a Muslim man, a woman finds herself locked into this arrangement, even if it's against her wishes. Islamic polygamy is a HUGE Risk for poor girls. 

Moreover, these are not masculine men who get multiple wives in the Islamic system, but rather only RICH (and old) men who are getting multiple wives (mostly people are poor in their youth but become rich until they reach old age). Throughout Islamic history, those were rich old men who had multiple wives. And they were also buying dozens of slave girls.

 

Even Muhammad was not able to afford the EXPENSES of his multiple wives and slave women:

Although Muslims in Medina had already looted the war booty of the Jewish tribe of Banu Nadhir, after expelling them from Medina, however, Muhammad was still not able to afford the expenses of his multiple wives and slaves. And when his wives complained against it, then Muhammad simply claimed the revelation of this verse, where he threatened them with divorce. 

Quran 33:27-28:

And He caused you to inherit their land and their homes and their properties and a land which you have not trodden (i.e. land of Banu Nadhir). And ever is Allah, over all things, competent. O Prophet (Muhammad SAW)! Say to your wives: If you desire the life of this world, and its glitter, Then come! I will make a provision for you and set you free in a handsome manner (divorce).

 

Risk: Justice among wives is no more needed and Muslim husbands have a licence to blackmail their wives to give up their equal rights:

As Muhammad grew stronger and wealthier in Medina, he began marrying multiple young and beautiful women, despite his own age ranging between 58 and 63 years. The women he married were generally between the ages of 17 and 35, making Muhammad double, triple, or even four times their age. Islamic traditions highlight that these women, such as Juwayria, Safiyyah, Rehana, Zaynab, and Umm Habiba, were not only young but also exceptionally beautiful.

However, Sawdah was the only wife of Muhammad who was older than the newlywed ladies, though still younger than Muhammad himself. In the presence of his young and attractive wives, Muhammad desired to part ways with Sawdah. Muhammad married Sawdah in Mecca during a time of weakness and poverty when he faced opposition from the entire city.

To fulfil his wish of separating from Sawdah, Muhammad once again invoked revelation and claimed that Allah had sent the following verse:

(Quran 33:51) You, [O Muhammad], may put aside whom you will of them or take to yourself whom you will.

Therefore, after the revelation of this verse, the only wife whom Muhammad chose to divorce, was the old lady Sawdah. It was despite the fact that Sawdah was serving Muhammad from the time of Mecca, when Muhammad was poor and weak, while other wives were new, and they hardly lived with Muhammad for a few years in Medina. 

According to Tafsir Ibn Kathir (Verse 4:128), upon learning of Muhammad's intention to divorce her, Sawdah sought refuge in 'Aisha's house. When Muhammad arrived, Sawdah expressed her willingness to give up her turn to 'Aisha but pleaded with him not to divorce her. Muhammad readily agreed and promptly claimed the revelation of the following verse:

(Quran 4:128-129) And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them (i.e. woman agrees upon leaving some of her rights) … And you will never be able to do Justice (Arabic: تَعْدِلُوْا) between wives, even if you should strive [to do so].

Furthermore, do you notice the contradiction? Previously, the author of the Quran (Muhammad) had established the condition of justice ('adl) for having multiple wives (Quran 4:3). However, in this particular verse (Quran 4:128-129), he permits a husband to manipulate his wives by threatening divorce, thus pressuring them into relinquishing their rights in the name of a settlement. This undermines the requirement of justice, as the husband retains control over the right to divorce, resulting in settlements that consistently favor him.

(Quran 4:3) If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.

Practically, the verse (Quran 4:128-129) has abrogated the verse of doing justice among multiple wives.

Dear innocent Muslim ladies, please be careful before entering any polygamous relationship. Don't let Islamist preachers deceive you in entering such risky relationships. 

 

If polygamy was justified in the past due to specific circumstances, then shouldn't polyandry also be considered necessary today based on the current situation?

Islamists argue that polygamy was essential in earlier times because many men died in wars, leading to a greater number of women than men. This, they claim, was the reason Islam allowed polygamy.

However, consider this:

  • In China, there are currently 31 million more men than women, leading to widespread frustration among men unable to find partners (source).
  • Globally, for the past 22 years, there have consistently been more men than women. Out of the 7.95 billion people on Earth in 2022, there were about 4 billion men and 3.95 billion women (source).

Please keep in mind that:

Numerous tribes, both historically and currently, have practiced polyandry for thousands of years with success. These societies have built robust family systems that have stood the test of time, demonstrating that polyandry can effectively address societal challenges. Moreover, they don't suffer from the same issues of paternity that Islam does, where children can be labeled "Walad-ul-Haram" (i.e., illegitimate) due to their parents' actions. These polyandrous societies understand that the role of raising and nurturing a child can be even more significant than merely giving birth.

Given this gender imbalance, shouldn't polyandry be practiced among consenting adults to address the shortage of women? DNA testing has resolved the issue of paternity, removing a common argument against polyandry.

Given this gender imbalance, why shouldn't polyandry be practised among consenting adults to address the shortage of women? DNA testing has eliminated the concerns about paternity, resolving a common argument against polyandry.

 

A Remarkably Insightful Comment from a Woman:

After reading this article, a woman commented:

From birth to death, we're conditioned to accept and even to justify religious abuses, even though deep down, it never feels good or right, oftentimes searching for any verse of the Quran or Hadith that would undo the religious abuse we are experiencing at the hands of religious society.

These words just pierce the hearts. They made us realize that men might never fully capture the true struggles that women endure due to religious and societal pressures.